The Charming Story of the Charmingest Charming Charmer?
by Djsoresupon3
Summary: Ponies. Assassins. An overpowered main character. A gecko that's a financial advisor. A douche of a boss. Not enough fucks to give. Sounds fun, no?
1. The Hand That Feeds

Chapter 1: The Hand That Feeds by Nine Inch Nails

 **Dat title... alright guys, ANOTHER new story. This story is going to be… interesting? Special? Completely insane? Yes. Yes it will be. Now, I'd also like to say that this story is not my original idea nor is the main character. Both are property of my friend SoloAcrobat6 who's just too lazy to actually write. So I simply write, he looks over edits, tells me all the shit I'm doing wrong and I fix. So this story is pretty much co-authored. However, as the usual theme between my stories, irrelevant chapter titles based off of songs in my iPod. Anyways have fun trying to understand this story!**

I sat up... I glanced towards my clock. It read 4 am.  
"Huh... slept in", I muttered to myself. I also realized I didn't have any nightmares... at least not that I could remember. Today was looking up to be a good day. And then I remembered that I had work today. "Fuck..."  
I got off my bed and swore again. I walked to my bathroom and swore a third time. After going through my morning routine the same word escaped my mouth a fourth time. I exited my room and for the fifth consecutive time, swore. I made my way to the mess hall swearing left and right. I already lost count by the time I was eating breakfast. I was the only pony in the mess hall at this hour, though to be fair, no pony was awake even when I woke up on time. I ate standard bran cereal and milk. Call me boring or whatever, it was delicious. I swore as I finished. I don't normally swear so much but today just seemed like a day to swear a lot. I put my dishes in the sink and made my way to my boss's office. Ugh... technically he wasn't my boss, more like... my owner I guess. I walked into his office.  
"Hey asshole! I'm here to get my job", I yelled at the stallion sitting at the lone desk. On opposite sides of the room were giant vaults. He was in the middle of writing something when I had burst in. He looked up to see me. He glanced at the watch on his wrist.  
"You're running late", he mused before returning to his paperwork.  
"I'm still earlier than anypony else", I replied. Arguably the weirdest thing about my boss, Royal Masquerade, is that I've actually never seen him sleep. He's working when I go to bed and when I wake up... nor have I seen him eat. But after being around him for the past 15 years of my life, I got used to all the weird things he doesn't do. I sat and waited for Royal to give me my assignment but he seemed to get absorbed into the paperwork, another habit I had grown fairly accustomed to. I summoned my bow with my ice magic and notched a simple magic arrow. I aimed at his head and fired. Without looking, because he likes showing off, he caught the arrow with his hoof that had been holding down the paper. He looked up, noticed the arrow in his hoof and then noticed me again. He then remembered what he had to do and got up. He walked into the vault on my right side and disappeared for about ten seconds. He emerged with a file in his magical grasp. He handed it to me and I opened it to find a picture of a stallion with several papers. I went back to staring at Royal. He glanced at me before resuming his work.  
"Right, forgot", he said before setting his quill down again. "Your target this time is a drug lord in Arcoltina. Goes by the name El Droga."  
"Really? Droga is a feminine word though", I said, finding it funny that some drug lord used a feminine word as their street name.  
"Doesn't really matter, he'll be dead within the next week... right?" He asked me, getting very serious. I smiled at him.  
"Who knows, might get distracted along the way", I replied. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his snout.  
"If only you spent the same amount of effort on your job as you do trying to make mine more difficult", he muttered loud enough for me to hear.  
"Then you'd get bored", I said, grinning. He sighed.  
"Just get going", he said, going back to his paperwork.  
"What level is this mission?" I asked quickly before he could get going. He briefly closed his eyes and scrunched his nose, looking like he was trying to remember.  
"A+" he answered. I had a problem with that.  
"What? Then why am I going? Can't you just send someone else?" I asked.  
"Well sure if you want to wait around until something S rank or above shows up", he replied. I grumbled a bit, calling him a bitch and a few other unpleasant terms. He smiled and added, "You could always help me with my job."  
"Arcoltina right? Should be easy enough", I said, getting up and leaving. Even though I knew that was what he wanted, there was no way I was going to help him with anything. I walked all the way back to my room. It was only 4:30 by now and no one else was awake. I then searched through my room trying to find my only friend. I couldn't find him so I just went with plan b.  
"Gecko? Where are you? I got another mission today", I called out. I waited a few moments before a tiny green head popped out of one of my pillows. "... What were you doing in there?"  
It blinked both eyes slowly and separately. I understood what this meant of course, having learned the language of geckos a while ago.  
"Well I'm sorry. I don't have the funds for that right now", I tell him. He gives me a stare. "... Do I?"  
Gecko walked out of the pillow and over to a piece of paper on the nightstand. He gestured to a number that was circled in the middle of the page.  
"Oh… I'll get one when we get back", I told him. He blinked one eye. "I recollect no such thing. Come one, let's get going before Royal gets mad."  
He crawled off the nightstand before crawling into one of my cloak's pockets. I loved this cloak, it made me look all the more badass. I grabbed my two saddle bags and slung them under the cloak expertly. I briefly did a mental checklist of everything before heading out. Oh but wait! There was one last item. I began setting up booby traps all over my room. They ranged from explosives with the destructive power to easily destroy an entire block in a city to deadly, hoofcrafted nerve poisons that killed one in about a minute… I have yet to develop an antidote for those but I'll deal with that later. I closed my door before setting one final explosive. It wasn't that I didn't trust anypony in the guild, it's just that I don't trust anypony in the guild with going into my room… or at all. So I left with all my saddlebags and gecko in my pocket. On my way out, I almost ran into Solar Flicker.  
"Off on a mission?" She asked me. I took the time to nod my head as I continued on my path. While most would find this rude, the ponies of the guild have gotten used to this. The only pony I really talked to was ironically Royal. "Good luck!"  
I lightly scoffed at the idea that I would need luck. I was fully confident that I was the best assassin in the guild and I have yet to fail a mission. I made my way out of the guild, which was located in the canopy of the jungle we were in. It was a usual day in the temperate rain forest of Brazil. I jumped from the entry and fell a good 100 hooves and activated an anti-gravity spell to slow me down to where I softly landed on the ground floor.  
"Alright gecko, which way to Arcoltina?" I asked. I felt a bit of movement from my pocket and felt a scurry of feet as gecko clambered onto my head. I waited there for a few moments before he made his way to the bridge of my snout and pointed in a direction. I smiled and began walking that way. It was about an 1800 mile walk just to get to Coltdoba. I couldn't teleport there sadly as it left too easy of a trace when teleporting long distances so I could only do it for an emergency. It was a long and arduous walk to Coltdoba. I often entertained myself by shooting ice arrows into various things that caught my eye. Eventually, I got so bored of walking that after several days, I began teleporting short distances to travel faster. I also struck up conversation with gecko between breaks to help pass the time.  
"I'm going to kill Royal when we get back", I told gecko. He gave me a blank stare. "I'm being serious. I know I've said it in the past, but I'm going to succeed this time… just need to plan this out thoroughly."  
Gecko just looked away. I scoffed at him, "I can so pull it off. There isn't a single pony I've failed to kill so far."  
Gecko turned back to face me.  
"... Royal is still a work in progress so he doesn't count", I say. One of gecko's eyes blinked. "I mean I've only tried poisons, explosives, choking him using cloth, breaking his neck, cracking his head open with a tortoise, scaphism, mercury… the metal, roasting him alive, sabotaging his chair, lava and death by tripping. What do you think I should try next?"  
Gecko blinked the same eye two times consecutively and then blinked the other.  
"What? Make him to die from a bladder ailment by forcing him to not go to the bathroom for weeks?" I asked him. He blinked an eye. "That's not what you said at all? Oh I understand, try a normal method. Pffft, there's no way that'd work."  
Gecko seemed to sigh before looking forward.  
"... Fine. I'll focus on the task for hand", I grumble. It was unnecessary though as was one of the easier missions I'd taken in the past few months. If it was only an A+, then the only hard part should be finding him. But since I wouldn't have to take this too seriously, which I never took anything seriously, I could try to think of funny or ironic ways to kill him. Since he was a drug lord, the most ironic way to kill him would be to somehow kill him with drugs. Obviously, I could overdose him but that almost seemed too bland. I considered asphyxiation via drugs and just shoving them down his throat until he choked and died. There was throwing him into one of the machines and wish for the most hilarious outcome. I sighed. There wasn't much to work with and not much time either.  
"What do you want to eat gecko?" I asked my companion. He turned and blinked both eyes together. "Okay, what do want to eat that I can make with the ingredients at hoof?"  
It responded with a lone blink.  
"Do you know how long it's going to take to catch one of those?" I asked him. He jumped off of my snout and walked through some brush, disappearing from sight. "Oh, real mature. Just walk away like nothing happened."  
I kept walking for a good 15 minutes before something hit me right on the snout. I swore and looked down, only for five more things to hit my head. I pulled my bow out, notched a magic arrow and pointed it to the sky… only to watch gecko slowly descend from a tree using a makeshift hang glider of leaves. I watched him until he landed on the ground, which was when I noticed what had hit me from above. On the ground were six Rufous-bellied Thrushs. I looked back to gecko and he was staring at me, unblinking.  
"Freaking show off", I muttered as I picked up the Thrushs with my magic and continued walking, hiding my bow back into my cloak. As we walked, I would pluck leaves and fruits in preparation for dinner.  
It took me a total of 8 days to reach Coltdoba. I sighed in relief as I began walking along the streets. Now all I had to do was find the most rundown, criminally active, whatever-can-pass-as-a-bar here. Then find the biggest and baddest thug in there and utterly beat the shit out of him and hopefully he knows something about El Drago. If not, I can just keep beating the shit out of ponies till I get some info. I searched around the streets for a while, but couldn't find anything that seemed of value. I looked up at the sun, it was probably only about 5 pm so I'd have to wait for night to fall before the underground activity to begin.  
"Where do you think we should go?" I asked gecko. Instead of looking at me, his body shivered a bit. "Good idea."  
So we searched around for a safe place to sleep that would be out of the way. I found the perfect place on the roof of a church for something. The only slightly difficult part was getting up there with no pony noticing. Apparently cloaked figures aren't that unusual of a sight in Coltdoba. I spent the rest of my day watching from the roofs of buildings, spying on the civilians to try to see where the most likely place to get information could be. By the time night fell, I had a location in mind. It didn't have a name… or at least the sign had been so badly damaged that I couldn't read the name of the establishment. I jump down to the street below, the cover of darkness shielding me from unnecessary gazes. I strode, full of confidence, up to the doors of the bar. At least it sounded and smelled like a bar. The sounds of ponies talking, arguing and fighting. The smells of cigars, alcohol, sweat and blood.  
"You should go back into a pocket", I told gecko, who had been resting on my head. He climbed down under my cloak, opened a pocket and climbed in before closing it. I took a deep breath before opening the doors. As if there were some magical barrier, the sounds and smells that were outside were exponentially amplified as soon as I opened the door. I strode up to the counter, ponies' conversations dying as they turned to stare at me. I got to the counter, where the bartender had been eyeing my coming the entire way.  
"I'm looking for El Droga", I said in a loud enough voice to get everypony's attention. Now, all gazes fell to me and the bar was practically silent. An old stallion was snoring in the corner.  
"Don't know 'im", the bartender replied, breaking eye contact.  
"Oh really? That's unfortunate. I really need to find him", I tell him. It wasn't long before a big stallion walked up next to me and slammed his hoof down next to mine… it was almost cute.  
"What's your business with El Droga?" He asked me. I turned and flashed my best smile at him.  
"I have normal business with him", I answered, which for some strange reason ticked off the big stallion even more.  
"And who are you?" He asked me, his stance getting much more aggressive as a few other stallions surrounded me.  
"Just your normal stallion looking for a drug lord", I said. "Would you happen to know where I can find him?"  
"Yeah I do know, but I ain't tellin' you", he replied. I glance around at the other stallions.  
"Why not? It's nothing bad, I just want to know where he is… pretty please?" I asked, faking puppy dog eyes. That was enough to trigger his drunken rage. He swung at me. I just moved out of his reach and grabbed his head and slammed it onto the counter. Then I used my elemental ice magic to summon a small ice shard about the size of a dagger and stabbed it through his cheeks, sticking into the counter. Without looking, I dodged the stallion's punch from behind me and turned around and bucked his other foreleg, causing him to topple over. I quickly grabbed a near by stool and spun with it, dodging another punch before slamming it onto the third stallion. It burst into a hundred pieces as he collapsed. I noticed the fourth stallion coming in to tackle me out of my peripherals. I extended my hoof to collide with his face and completely killed his momentum. I grabbed his neck and threw him into the second stallion who had just gotten back up. They fell and didn't get back up. I used one of my rear legs to kick the third guy who was still on the ground and in a daze, in the face. He didn't get back up either. I turned to the first stallion who had been trying to get the ice shard out of his face. His eyes widened in terror as he saw me approaching him.  
"So… now will you tell me about El Droga?" I asked him nicely. He didn't reply, but his eyes sure as hell said that he was going to comply. I grabbed the ice shard and ripped it out. As soon as it was out though, he tried to run off but my hoof stopped him. "I sure hope you're going to lead me to El Droga."  
I said it like a request, but my tone indicated that it was a demand. He simply nodded and walked off at a slower pace, but still briskly. I followed him out, all gazes on me were ranging from surprise to terror to just raw baffle. I had that kind of effect on ponies.  
He led me through the dark streets of Coltdoba. It was funny how he kept glancing at me fearfully as if I would hurt him more. The thought was totally absurd, he hadn't done anything to warrant being in more pain yet. I followed him for a good ten minutes and began wondering if he was leading me into a trap or somewhere random until we ended up at a mansion that totally stood out compared to the other places around the area.  
"Th-This is where he lives", he stuttered to me. I looked at him and then to the mansion which was completely dark.  
"He lives here now?" I asked him.  
"Yes. But he's away right now and won't be back till tomorrow", he told me. I glanced at him. My biggest hinderance was of course him now. If El Droga really didn't come back till tomorrow and I waited to get him then, this stallion or somepony else could warn him of me coming which could make things less fun.  
"Alrighty then. Thanks for all the help", I told him in fake cheer. He faced me and seemed to hesitate to ask something. I waited for him to find his words.  
"Who… who are you?" He asked me. This caused me to genuinely smile… but it wasn't a very innocent smile.  
"The question you should be asking is, 'who am I?''" I told him, charging a spell.  
"That… that is what I asked", he said confusedly. I looked at him.  
"What? No, you asked who I am?" I said.  
"Yeah…" The confusion was clear on his face.  
"I'm asking you to ask 'who am I?'" I replied.

"... I hear it now. Just… just… shut up", I said and casted my spell, wiping his memory to be blank as scratch paper. He seemed momentarily stunned and then he started looking around.  
"Where am I? Who are you? Who… am I? What happened to my face?" He asked me, his eyes showing a mixture of confusion, fear and anxiety.  
"See, you asked it", I told him. I began walking away. "Anyways have fun."  
I jumped up to the nearest ceiling and began making my way back to the bar. I couldn't wipe the minds of every pony that had been there. When I arrived at a building where I could spy on the bar, coincidentally, the other three stallions stumbled out of the bar. They were limping and supporting each other.  
"Hey gecko", I called. I felt one of my pockets open and he climbed up to my snout. I looked down at the three. "Think you can take care of them?"  
I got no physical response from him.  
"Alright, just make sure not to kill them", I said and he replied with a little bit of a nod. He jumped off my snout and almost floated down to the street below. I began making my way to the ceiling of the church. By the time I reached it, I heard a scream in the distance and smiled. Hopefully gecko wouldn't get too rowdy. I laid down and stared up at the night sky, waiting for either gecko to come back or for sleep to overtake me.  
Gecko ended up making it back before I fell asleep. He strolled up to my face and sat in front of me.  
"How'd it go?" I asked him. He blinked both eyes twice simultaneously. "Oh how nice of you. Calling the medics for them so they'll be in hospital, or whatever they have here, when El Droga arrives."  
He crawled into one of my pockets in my cloak. He shifted around a bit before I was back all alone with my thoughts. I stared up at the moon, just like I've been doing for as long as I could remember. I wasn't admiring it or the night. Beauty had been a concept I had long forgotten about. Eventually, the lure of sleep started tugging at my subconscious. I closed my eyes and felt myself drift off into the darkness of my conscious.  
I woke up to the moon drifting down, almost breaking onto the horizon. Light was also starting to filter in from behind me. I guessed that it was probably a little past four. Again, I had slept in late twice in a month. Not to mention today was the fourth day in a row that my sleep went undisturbed with a nightmare. I didn't have time to try to figure out was going on with my sleep as I had a glorious trap to set up. I made my way to the mansion that supposedly housed El Droga. Even though I hadn't sensed that the stallion was lying, I still didn't have concrete evidence. But how could I pass up the opportunity to set up a giant trap inside a mansion?  
I arrived at the mansion and quickly found a balcony that had its doors wide open, because ponies really couldn't even consider that assassins just went around doing assassin things. I entered the mansion and quickly found out that there were still servants in the mansion. Some of them just seemed like orphans or such who had been picked up off the streets. Well they were about to find themselves jobless so it's not like I should care. I slinked about the mansion… because slinking was totally a thing I did. I moved through blind spots and even navigated the walls and ceiling to avoid any notice. I configured a mental map of the entire mansion and every room; there were only two stories, the bottom seemed mostly like where the dining took place and where the servants quartered. The top floor housed the master bedroom and bathroom as well as the living room and various other rooms for guests and such. I glanced outside in my current hiding spot and guessed that it was about 6:30. I didn't know the exact time he was going to get back so I didn't have a time frame to set the trap… which just made it more fun. And then there was the added fun of planning a perfect trap around the servants who were currently here so that only El Droga would set it off. My mind went into overdrive as I locked myself in a room and pulled out my sketchbook. I began drawing a blueprint of the mansion from a head-on, left, right and aerial viewpoints along with several rooms that had caught my attention. I spent three hours drawing, erasing and perfecting ideas. Then I had gecko give me his opinion on everything so that took another two hours of editing before we had planned everything to perfection. Luckily he hadn't come home in that time or else I would have killed him out of spite. It took surprisingly only another hour to set up the trap. And then… the waiting game.  
So it turns out that he didn't get arrive till nightfall and I had almost fallen asleep from sheer boredom. I quickly double checked the beginning steps of the trap before taking my place to greet him. I hid in a shadow and awaited for everything to go perfectly. The doors swung open and a stallion whose face matched that of El Droga's walked in, greeted by several servants. He simply ignored them and continued walking. My breath hitched in anticipation as the trap would be triggered through a single tile. Yes, I had taken the time to statistically calculate the probability of him stepping on a single tile that nopony else would have stepped on throughout the entire day. And there he was! About to step on it! A soft clicking noise that drew everyone's attention sounded as he placed his hoof down on that tile. Everyone looked around a little confusedly until a crash and a scream sounded upstairs. Everypony began rushing upstairs to find the source of the noise. I strutted out into the now vacant entryway and double checked my looks just to make sure I looked as sharp as possible. Then I cast a spell that replicated a constant breeze that caused my robe to flutter a bit, heightening my badassness by at least a factor of four. I stood there for a good ten minutes as the trap I set up caused them to run around the mansion as various things happened. Most of it was just harmless pranks really, with a few explosives mixed into the bunch to heighten the surprise. It wasn't long before El Droga stumbled back into the entryway breathing heavily. In front of him was the thing that he had been chasing throughout the mansion, which looked like a little brown ball but was secretly an avocado pit… not that I'd tell him. He seemed to notice me now that the avocado pit had rolled to my hoof.  
"You? Are you the cause for such destruction in my home?" He asked me. His tone had started off initially as surprise but seemed to descend into anger and was on its way to pure rage.  
"Why yes I am good sir", I answered with a smile. This further edged him towards rage.  
"Do you have any idea who I am?!" He yelled at me and pulled out a knife… which was weird because he wasn't wearing any clothes. He took a step towards me, only to find an arrow go into the knee of the leg he had stepped forwards with. He collapsed on the ground in a grunt of pain as I took a deep breath.  
"Wow, you had me worried. You moved .233 seconds before my calculations and I almost missed. That would have been really embarrassing", I said, wiping my brow to display mock nervousness. I strolled over to him in a purposefully slower pace than usual to look more badass. I also created an ice swords and smiled brightly as I saw fear in his eyes. He stumbled to get back up and tried to exit the entryway but found the door he came in from closed from my magic. He turned back to me, this was were he'd start trying to negotiate.  
"Wh-What do you want? Money? I have lots of money! Name your price! Whoever's paying you I'll double it easily!" He sputtered frantically as I was almost within striking distance. I didn't stall at all and kept advancing. "Triple! Quadruple! Drugs! I can give you drugs! Mares! I can give you mares that I had trained! Anything please! Just don't kill me!"  
I was practically on top of him by now and was just grinning down to his crying form. I reached with my free hoof and patted his head, causing him to flinch at first.  
"Aw, you misunderstand good sir...", I tell him and he looks up to me, some hope in his eyes. Then, in a bone-chilling voice (or my ice magic just causing the temperature to drop for dramatic effect) I continued. "... You're already dead."  
I reached down and ripped the normal arrow from his knee as more blood splurted on the ground and he yelled in shock… and pain. It was probably pain.  
"What… What are you saying?" He asked me. I put the arrow back into my quiver and I began walking away. "Wait! Where do you think you're going?"  
"Well I know I'm going back home because my mission is done here", I answer as I leave. I could hear him try to say something else but before he could, he started coughing violently and the sound of liquid splashed on the ground. I left the mansion and smiled brightly. Poison was always such a fun way to kill ponies because it just was so surprising if used correctly. I looked up at the moon and began heading back home.

 **Well there we go. Chapter one of this new story of our rogue assassin with arguably the worst name in history. So please don't forget to review and tell us what you thought of this story. I can guarantee if you stick with this story, you will not be able to guess what's going to come in the future. And remember, if you ever want to use this mc, then you're going to have to ask SoloAcrobat6 and not me. If you ask me, I WILL END YOU! Or redirect you to him. Depends on the mood I'm in.**  
 _ **Ha-ha, thanks my friend. This is the lazy bastard SoloAcrobat6, nice to have this thing actually going somewhere. Well hope you all have some sort of feeling for this story my friend and I have put together, otherwise I will have my assassins kill you! Or slap you with disgust. Both if you get it just right! Order depends, so yeah... Bye.**_


	2. 4 Words To Choke Upon

Chapter 2: 4 Words (To Choke Upon) by Bullet For My Valentine

 **Wow, this story did a lot better than we'd hoped. 3 favorites and 4 follows? You guys are too kind. So thank you Mr. H.R., Nickle7654, thenextnexus, and cloud iconshadow for your support. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter featuring this main character that I haven't actually stated his name yet in the story but I hope it's pretty easy to guess. This is my first upload of college. I'm going to try to update a story at least once a month. Hopefully college will be easy enough for me to keep that schedule.**

I woke up, breathing slightly ragged. I checked the time. It was barely three in the morning. I had that 'nightmare' again. It's been plaguing me for a while now. While the image of it was still fresh, I rushed over to my sketch book and flipped to a random blank page. I grabbed a pencil and began drawing. I drew the focus of my dream which was a stallion, adorned in all forms of jewelry. His face and his color scheme were all shadowed out. Though from his figure, which is why I guess he's a stallion and a unicorn, he almost looked like a teenager. Or just really skinny. I drew his cape, which he was wearing wrong and as an expert cape-wearer, didn't make him look badass at all. I drew the background, an ominous sky almost like an empty void. There were swirls of darkness, no stars and no clouds. I drew in the plane which he stood on to the horizon where I cut it off. I drew in shadows of… demons. That was my best word for what they were, all lined up behind him almost like an army. I drew fires and piles of bodies across the plane. I then drew the rain. It bothered me a bit, considering that there were no clouds. Oh, and the rain was blood but… there weren't any clouds. Then I drew what bothered me the most from this dream. In front of the stallion was a book. I had no idea what it was a book of, but if the book was in the foreground then it couldn't be good. I put my pencil down and went over to my light and turned it on. Drawing by the light from my horn was easier for me but it strained my vision. I picked up the picture and used a nail to nail it to the wall. I now had a collection of 47 drawings of this same dream. I studied the new drawing and its predecessor for any signs of difference. I saw it and it came in the form of an extra bracelet on his left forehoof. I sighed at how insignificant it was but maybe it had some obscure, totally vague importance that the universe would somehow find a way to make my life even more of a hell.

If there was one thing however that really shook me up about this dream of death, carnage and other stereotypical things about the end of the world, it was that I was not the stallion. It's like my own mind was telling me to give up on my hopes of getting to kill everypony. But I was not swayed. I had my resolution. And so here I was, talking to myself in my head. It's been a few weeks since the last time I got a mission and I was probably dying of boredom. Wait… yep, dying of boredom. I'd probably only last another week or so before my body just gave up.

I sighed and laid back down in bed. Then, my door creaked open. I sprung up, flung my bow in the corner at myself, grabbed it, grabbed one of the arrows under my pillow and notched it. My door opened slowly and a paper airplane flew in… very slowly. I watched it all the way as it glided to me and hit me in the nose. It fell to the ground, but I grabbed it with my magic. I stared at it, then to the door, back to the paper airplane and then ended on the door. I dropped my bow and arrow, briefly questioning the reason I was alive. I thought about the approximate time it took for the sun's rays to hit earth. How did coconut crabs come into existence? Are stem cells really the answer to cancer? How much literal wood could a metaphorical woodchuck literally chuck, if a metaphorical woodchuck could literally chuck metaphorical wood? If Sally was selling sea shells down by the sea shore to raise money for stem cell research, wouldn't she get attacked by coconut crabs as part of the coconut crab-metaphorical woodchuck alliance in return for their literal wood? None of these questions would ever explain to me how these paper airplanes that Royal sent out opened doors. But then again, my job is to kill others, not question the rules of the world. I grudgingly grabbed it with my hooves and opened it. It depicted an analog clock that had the hands at 3:15. I checked my analog clock. It was 3:06. This was a summons to Royal's office. Which only meant one thing that caused me a brief burst of happiness. It was a mission. And a good one at that. I stumbled out of bed and tripped onto my face. I got up and quickly performed my morning rituals. I finished and sped out of my room, almost hitting the door on my way out. I trotted all the way to Royal's office, kicking the door open just for effect. He looked up from his desk and checked his clock.

"A little early, but oh well", he mused before going back to his paperwork. I walked up to his desk and slammed my hooves gently onto his desk.

"I know you have a mission for me!" I declared boldly. Royal just looked up at me.

"... Obviously. I don't know why else I would summon you here", he said. I flashed him a smile.

"Maybe you just enjoy my company", I said.

"Do you want your mission?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Then shut the hell up", he said, rummaging through some papers. "You have no idea how hard it was to get this mission from the IAGA."

"Wait you went to the IAGA?" I asked.

"Yeah. I've been gone for like a week", he replied.

"What?! You've been gone for a whole week?! Why didn't you tell me?!" I yelled at him.

"Because you would have done something stupid that would have made my life more difficult."

"Exactly! Honestly, so inconsiderate", I said, shaking my head. He just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Can we just get to briefing?" He asked. I nodded, if the mission came from the IAGA's headquarters then it was going to be a fun one. "Good. So you're heading out to Saddle Arabia."

"Wait, I thought you forbid me from going there since the last incident", I said.

"Yes. But this will possibly help pay back the damage you caused the last time for the government", he said. I raised a brow.

"They still have a government?" I asked.

"Barely. It's not stable at all though. Maybe that's what happens when the leader is found drowned… in pudding."

"How was I supposed to know you can't breathe in pudding?"

"Do you have ANY idea how much paperwork and fines I got just from the IAGA?"

"I was just trying to introduce pudding to a pudding-less country! And made the assumption that the best way to do that would be through a room filled completely with pudding to the leader of the government… which sure, in hindsight, wasn't the most thought out plan to introduce pudding."

"You sparked a goddamn civil war between the two main religions in the country!"

"Oh… I'm sorry?"

"Was that a question?"

"Maybe?"

"... You know what, I'm done. Let's just get this over with and have you leave. You're going to Saddle Arabia to take out a growing terrorist faction that's trying to develop a weapon of mass destruction."

"Oh? Is that it?"

"You have to make it look like an accident."

"... What?"

"You need to make it look like an accident. The government nor the civilians can know about foreign involvement in this."

"So I need to take out an entire terrorist group, but make it all look like an accident?"

"Yes. As such, this mission has been given a S+ rank. So not the hardest you've completed but don't fuck up."

"... Royal?"

"Yeah?" I walked up to him and put my hoof onto his shoulder as a lone tear rolled down my left cheek while I looked off into the distance.

"Thank you."

"... Where are you looking?"

"The future Royal… the future."

"Wow… you've really been bored."

"You have no idea!" I said as I flourished out of the room. Yes… flourished. I flourish out of rooms sometimes. Who am I thinking to? Oh right, Gecko. Gecko then poked his head out of my cloak pocket.

"Were you sleeping in there?" I asked him. I got a blink. "Fucking weirdo… oh we're going to Saddle Arabia! Don't look at me like that. It's a mission. Yes, from Royal. I know right! I'm so excited!"

We entered my room where I grabbed my bow and arrows, my saddlebags and set up my traps. I set 37 this time and made a note in my sketchbook about that. I left the guild without anypony else seeing me and made my way happily to the direction that Saddle Arabia was in.

 **(Timeskip)**

So by the time I got to Saddle Arabia, you could describe my mood as ready to bring down a terrorist organization, dethrone a corrupt king, then his son who was a good leader, spark a war between two nations and then kill the all the major leaders in both countries which would leave the citizens in disarray and at war. In other words, I was bordering being pissed and really happy. They were basically the same thing for me. First off, Gecko was a little bitch about choosing a boat. I just wanted to take the first boat that would take us BUT NO! He had to do his research, and his bartering, and do the economic choice, and find the shortest route to make sure that the… boat stallion (whatever the fuck you called him, I don't care right now) didn't rip us off. And guess who's boat was attacked by a Kraken?! Some boat that was like 5 miles away from us. I found it hilarious as the Kraken basically ripped the boat in half. But then the boat stallion started freaking out about the Kraken for whatever reason, and said that unless the Kraken was killed then we wouldn't go any further. So I did the only thing logical… I killed the boat stallion and ate him. Okay not really, I only locked him in the below part of the boat and he ate himself to death. That, or the mountain lion that he had been transporting to somewhere else ate him. Which seemed much more plausible. But eating one's self to death just had a certain flair to it. So the ride to Omane was for free, which was nice. Turns out though, that you can't park a boat on a beach. Who knew? So we lost the boat and walked the rest of the way to Saddle Arabia. Also, the temperature in Saddle Arabia is actually hotter than Brazil. Sure, Brazil is more humid and stuffy but Saddle Arabia was HOT. I actually had to walk around with my ice armor so I could keep wearing my cape. Wait, who am I thinking to again?

"Wait!" I shouted as I stopped walking. Gecko popped his head out of one of my pockets. "We totally forgot to tell the people who seized our boat about the mountain lion we had locked in the under part of the ship that was probably starving… that would have been hilarious to watch."

I'm pretty sure Gecko rolled his eyes at me, but I was distracted when I stepped into shade. I looked at the building that was now between me and the sun. It was maybe only three stories tall but was very long. It was almost too easy to guess that there was a basement or something dumb like that. There were several banners on the outside with whatever the written language here is called. Posters showing ponies being killed. Some kind of symbol or whatnot.

"You think this is it?" I asked Gecko. I didn't get a reply so I just decided to kill everypony inside. I walked up to the doors, which was actually guarded by two stallions that I had failed to notice. In fact, they were yelling at me with swords drawn and walking up towards me. They yelled at me in their Saddle Arabian. From their tone and the way they were flailing their swords, this was clearly a friendly welcoming party. I replied in kind with my formal greeting of an ice dagger to the neck. They didn't seem to take kindly to that. They actually dropped dead. So I grabbed their bodies and dragged them inside. There, I met another Arab. He drew his sword in greeting and got an ice dagger in his neck in reply. Hm, he also dropped dead. Maybe I was greeting them wrong? Probably their culture or something. So I changed my tactics. The next stallion I met, I too greeted him with a sword. But I guess not having a head would make it hard to have a conversation. Making acquaintances with these ponies were harder than I had imagined. I tried many forms of greetings. I tried lightening the mood with this one stallion by sharing my booze. But apparently if you drink whiskey continuously without any breaks for five minutes, you die. So I tried helping a stallion using a toothbrush that actually turned out to be a knife. He was missing half of his head and didn't seem to find that satisfactory if I read his blood squirts correctly. Then I tried acid in a group setting. They didn't like that either. I went to icicle pikes going through the head. Not much reaction there. I hung (hanged?) a guy with his own intestines. Eh, he kind of flailed around but he didn't actually say anything coherent… not that I could understand them.

"Oh my god, I can't even speak Arabian", I said, facehoofing. Gecko then poked his head out and sent me two blinks. "Arabic? Oh. I've been saying it wrong this entire time? Oh that's embarrassing. Thankfully they're all dead. Oh hey, someone new!"

A hogtie and a room on fire later, Gecko popped back out. He blinked twice together, then did each one separate.

"No, I don't think I'm forgetting something", I replied. He responded with a blink, causing me to stop. "Wait… I was supposed to make their deaths look like accidents? Oh shit! I was totally supposed to make their deaths look like accidents!"

I paced nervously back in forth. I had made my way to the top floor by this point and had probably slaughtered 30-40 of the terrorists. Well, there was only one option now and that was to head to the basement floor that this place totally had to have. It didn't take long to find the basement level. It was like a giant cavern. Rock wall on all sides and rock floor and ceiling. But there was only one thing down there. It was like a giant glass tube where there was some kind of glowing purple orb in the middle. It cast an eerie purple hue on everything that I was positive would have made me look totally badass. Now I need a mirror. I was about to begin searching when I found a sword to my neck.

" _You… you killed all of my men_ ", a voice growled behind me in Equestrian. Finally a pony I can talk to.

" _Who are you?_ ", I asked.

" _I am the leader of these brave stallions. The same stallions that you murdered!_ " He growled. Wow, did I have an accent? I probably did. It was probably as badass as I was.

" _How do you know I murdered them?_ "

" _What?_ "

" _How do you know their deaths weren't all accidents?_ "

" _... One stallion was hanged from his intestines!_ "

" _... Maybe it's his turn on?_ "

" _What kind of devil are you?_ "

" _Hey what's that purple-y glowy thing?_ "

" _That is our attempt to make a magical bomb. It's condensed magical energy that we've almost converted entirely to matter._ "

" _So it's still unstable?_ "

" _Yes, but I'd say anoth-_ " He was cut short by his own scream. The sword was drawn from my neck. I turned around at the sound of crunching. The mountain lion! He had come and saved me!

"Thank you, o' mighty beast", I said, bowing. I got a salute in return as the mountain lion walked off into the metaphorical sunset… since you know, we were down in a cave and it was maybe only 3 o'clock. But the mountain lion stepped on something that went ' _click_ '. He lifted his paw to see what it was and then violently exploded. Well technically, the mine under him exploded but same difference. So there I was, in a cave with a stallion missing a rather necessary chunk from his neck and the scattered bits of a mountain lion.

"Well… I'm just going… to go over here", I said, walking up to the magic matter. It certainly didn't look stable. In fact, it almost seemed like if anything were to touch it then it'd violently explode not unlike the mountain lion. So I walked back to the stairs and pulled out my bow and notched an arrow. I aimed at the giant glowing ball and fired. I then sprinted up the stairs and ran outside. I teleported about a few hundred meters away and didn't look back. Because badasses don't look back at explo-

 **BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

Holy shit! What the actual fuck was that?! I turned back to see the purple mushroom cloud that was growing into the sky. I quickly flipped my hood on and shielded my eyes as the first shockwave ran over me, the sand pelting my skin like angry bees. Like really angry bees. Like they just realized I had scammed them out of their home… and then found that I had violently destroyed the one and only toilet. There wasn't much of a window for me to breathe again as the second shockwave washed over.

I stood there, the sand still drifting in the air like a fog… a really grainy fog. I put on some ice goggles and looked to where the building once was. Now though, it was literally gone. There was no trace of it. Instead there was just a field of molten glass. I turned around and left, my secret plan of helping the Saddle Arabian glass economy having come to fruition. Yep, totally planned all of this. Wait, who am I thinking to again?

 **Wow, that chapter was… psychotic. I mean that was seriously messed up. Like going into the darker parts of my mind. That was too random for me… and I wrote it. I hope you all enjoyed it? I'm just going to… stop here I guess. I don't know what to think of that chapter so please review or PM me. Because… I just feel confused. So I'm going now. Solo, please help.**

 _ **It is SoloAcrobat6, get it right. Anyways that was… wait, you are mocking me in this chapter because I talk to myself sometimes aren't you! Damn it! Well whatever, not much I can do about it now. NOW to the commentary on this bullshit I just helped (minisculely) create, and had no intention of stopping. Good job… Adios.**_


	3. Toys Are Us

Chapter 3: Toys Are Us by Hexstatic

 **So after the train wreck that we'll graciously call the last chapter, I figured out how to solve such a mess. With actual trains. That's right, this chapter is going to focus on motherfucking trains… spoil alert that bitch. Anything to add Solo before the chapter starts?**

 _ **Well, I don't want to spoil it any more than you already have... But this is one of the stupidest reasons to have a train in the story we have ever made, wait this is the first one so scratch that... One of the stupidest reason I have ever heard of, yeah that's better. SoloAcrobat6 out!**_

 **And we'd like to thank blackdragonfic for following and favoriting (what a try hard).**

I stared at our predicament. Technically it was a global map, but it depicted our predicament quite well. The distance between Saddle Arabia and Brazil was about 5,900 miles. A good portion of which was ocean. And my boat was totally fucking seized by those assholes in Omane because I parked it on the beach, which is apparently illegal. I mean, sure, I hit some people but who doesn't get out of the way of a fucking boat? And I was completely out of funds because I tried to invest in the glass economy which did not work at all. Turns out glass isn't such a big deal in Saddle Arabia. So Gecko and I didn't have the money for a boat back home. Which only meant one thing… I had to earn some damn money. I walked out of the general store and across the street where Gecko was at a café, reading the newspaper. I sat across from him and struck conversation.

"So anything interesting?" I asked him. He looked up from the newspaper and gave me a long pattern of blinks. It was then that I realized that Gecko read Arabic. Or was the name for the written language different? "So they discovered the crater of glass where the terrorist group was once. And they're passing it off as a major malfunction with the possible weapon of mass destruction that they were working on. Well that was fun, I guess. So what do we do about our money problem?"

I got several blinks in reply before he went back to the newspaper.

"You want to travel to England? What could be in England?" I asked him. I got a blink. "Trains? What do trains have to do with anything? Wait, are you suggesting we make our own railroad to gain funds to buy a boat?"

He nodded, folding the newspaper up and looking at me. I sighed. Pulling off a railroad with just myself and Gecko would be hard, but it was the only idea we had so far. I sighed and went back to the general store to look at the map again to plan our trip to England.

 **(Time-lapse because I'm lazy)**

I stared at our beauty. It was a five-car, luxury-class train made entirely of ice. Because fuck metal, it's overrated and a pussy. Of course, it also ran on ice tracks. There was obviously the engine of the train. It didn't need to run on coal and didn't use the power of steam. It's powered purely on magic ice. Gecko would be operating as the conductor here. Then there was a dining car, where all of our food was being kept nice and refrigerated. There was a rest car where the customers could sleep for the long trips. There was a relaxing car (totally different from rest!) where we had massaging chairs and other luxurious items. There was a social car where we would hold fun little gatherings and where I'd be managing the bar. The last car was for defense to keep the customers safe. There was probably enough firepower in that car to invade Poland. Because fuck Poland. Obviously, there was the fact that I needed permission to run this train… which is why there's about six officers currently shoved into very awkward positions in a janitor's closet. Gecko was currently selling tickets. We'd made a trip where we'd make stops in order of Italy, Greece, Smane, Coltugal, Mareocco, Equestria, Colta Rica, Puerto Rico, Brazil and then we'd return to England. I checked the sun. We had about 15 minutes until boarding. I went inside to double check everything. There was plenty of magic ice to last us until Italy. I checked the train's thermostat. We were at a solid 22 degrees Celsius. All the food in the dining car was in prime condition. All my ice knives were as sharp as could be. The beds were made and tidy. Everything checked out in the relaxing car. All my alcohols that I had bought were organized well. I didn't even dare to open the defense room yet. I then remembered about our observation deck. I went up the flight of stairs that ran on the side of the relaxing car up to an observation deck where you could see in all 360 degrees. This train was totally going to turn a profit. I saw Gecko leading eight ponies to the train. For our first departure, the numbers were pretty solid. I teleported down to social car where I slipped my bartender's uniform on over my cloak. I grabbed a glass and rag to make it look like I was doing bartending things. Of course, I had already cleaned these glasses down to the molecular level. Gecko led the eight ponies into the social car where I greeted them formally. They seemed to be talking amongst themselves on how despite the train looked, it was surprisingly warm inside. Weird, it was almost like we lived in a world with magic. He then went to lead them to the rest car to get their belongings situated. I quickly took off my bartender's uniform and teleported up to the dining car. I slung on my apron and began chopping a carrot I totally had out for the sake of chopping. The customers walked by, some ignoring me, others looking at me and then back the way they came in confusion. They left the dining car to go into the rest car, so I stopped chopping the carrot and ate it. I took off my apron and teleported to the engine where I waited for Gecko. Gecko took about 5 minutes to get situated and then entered the engine. We made eye contact and nodded. I put a tiny conductor's hat on him as he went to go punch tickets. I went and checked all the gauges and levers to make sure we were ready to depart. Gecko came back in with pieces of tickets and threw them out in the garbage can by the door. He picked up the gardener's shovel to start scooping ice into the 'furnace'. I watched as our power gauge began rising to efficient levels as I pushed the throttle on, also activating my magic to layout the track as we moved. I looked out the window to see five security ponies begin running towards the train from the station. I sighed and opened the window, grabbing my bow which had been sitting to the side, and notched a dull arrow. I leaned out the window a bit and took aim. The end result was five stallions on the ground rolling around in pain after tripping over the first one… whose knee might be dislocated. I set my bow down and closed the window. I nodded to Gecko and he stopped shoveling to jump up onto my head. We exited the engine car to address the customers. They were still getting settled but focused their attention when I walked in.

"Hello, ladies and gentlecolts, I am Charming Charmer and this is my partner Gecko. We would like thank you for travelling with Ice Tracks today. Our destination is Milan, Italy and since we are going to be traveling at an average speed of 275 kilometers per hour so we should be reach Milan in a little under 5 hours", I stopped as a stallion raised their hoof. "Yes, sir?"

"Yes", Oh god that accent was going to annoy me, "I was wondering about why nopony else seems to know about this railroad."

"Well sir, we are a very new track that just gained clearance about a week ago", I replied. Some of the passengers began talking among themselves, not knowing that my heightened hearing could hear them. "I assure you all though that we passed the Safety and Regulations Authorization Test without a single negative point scored."

Throw enough big, important words at ponies and they eat that shit like Taco Tuesday. It worked as they seemed to be relieved.

"Today I will be working as your chef and bartender while Gecko works as your conductor. Again, we thank you for patronage", I say, bowing my head just enough so Gecko didn't fall off. I walked back into the engine car and set Gecko down before teleporting to the dining car to get preparations ready.

 **(5 hours later)**

"Italy's pretty cool", I told Gecko as we left the train station. The trip had, of course, gone without a hitch. The passengers were really surprised when we went over the English Channel, but it wasn't actually that hard to pull off considering that ice is less dense than water and floated naturally. With all the passengers satisfied and off to do their business, Gecko and I were just waiting for my magic to recharge. Using magic for five hours was definitely a new experience so we had some time to kill. We decided to visit the Milan Cathedral and pull some hilarious prank on it.

A few hundreds of gallons of paint later and now the Milan Cathedral was a great neon green color. Inside and outside, hell, I even re-colored the stained glass because it was fuckin' fun. Then after the good laugh Gecko and I had, we decided to get on our way to our next destination. Greece. Athens, Greece. Our number of customers actually dropped down to 5 but we still had time to grow. It was a little under a two hour trip to reach Athens. Nothing happened on the trip there, but Gecko and I had a fun time in Athens. Apparently this Acropolis of Athens was a big deal or something so I couldn't help but pull a bit of a prank. All I did really was flash freeze the entire thing… which yeah, could lead to some structural damage but now it looked a lot cooler. Our next destination was Girona, Smane. We actually had 11 customers this time so we were definitely growing. It was about a six and a half hour trip to Girona, which was our longest trip yet. Of course, no trip to Girona was complete without seeing the Tapestry of Creation… and drawing hilarious faces on it when nopony was looking. Our next stop was at Coimbra, Coltugal. It was a four and half hour trip to reach it. While there, Gecko and I explored the University of Coimbra and gave a lecture on theoretical magic after kidnapping the professor and shoving him into a janitor's closet. Turns out though that if you give a lecture about theoretical magic in Meteorology 204, most students just seem confused. From there, we went to Casablanca, Mareocco, and our first non-European stop. It was just a two hour trip to get there to Casablanca. We, of course, visited the Hassan II Mosque and gave it a new paint job. Pink was a much better fit. After Casablanca, we made a stop to Manehattan, Equestria. This was our longest trip by far, taking a total of 21 hours to get to Equestria. And we had to cross the Atlantic Ocean which was fun. Sadly, I didn't get a reason to use anything from our defense car, but there were more stops still. By now, our numbers were at a solid 24. But Equestria was a pretty famous touring country for whatever reason. But while there… let's just say that I gave the Statue of Liberty a nice makeover. From Manehattan, we traveled to Cartago, Colta Rica. It was a 23 hour trip to reach Cartago as we travelled across land, not the gulf… cause strange shit happens in that gulf. In Cartago, Gecko and I visited the famous ruins and decided to not mess with anything… besides hiring some kids to draw #420yoloswag all over the place. But that's just a minor thing. After Cartago, we went to Puerto Rico. It was almost a seven hour trip to reach San Juan. In San Juan, we explored Old San Juan and put 'New!' stickers everywhere… because we're just that evil. After San Juan, we traveled to Brazil to visit Rio de Janeiro. It was a 19 hour trip to reach Rio de Janeiro. Of course, in Rio, you have to visit the big statue that overlook the city where the stallion is standing on his backhooves and spreading his forehooves out as far as he can. Of course, this was almost too easy. At the base of the statue, I paid off a guy to etch in 'I swear, it's this big' in Coltuguese big enough for everypony to read and laughed my head off. Gecko wasn't very amused but it was funny for me so fuck everything. Having finally made enough money to rent a boat, we made our final trip back to England. We ended on a strong note of about 30 customers. The only sad part of this I never got to use anything from our defense car. But as if my life were written by a really bad writer, I found a reason on our trip back. While crossing the Atlantic Ocean, we ran through a convoy of five pirate ships. Obviously, we could have just sped right by them considering we were much faster. But I wanted, no… I needed to use my ballista. The thing was probably starting to get lonely and sad AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT! So I rushed to the defense car once I got word from Gecko and opened the roof. My ballista majestically rose from the car and I manned it. Three ice bolts and two magic torpedoes later and I was a satisfied stallion… which still didn't stop me from then firing a bolt with about the destructive power of a megaton of TNT. That produced a nice mushroom cloud. And also a tsunami. But with a little more exertion of my magic and it wasn't much of problem, just simply redirected it in a different direction… poor Central America. It was a peaceful trip after that. Gecko and I rented the service of a seapony to take us to Brazil. The ride back was peaceful. Everything was going alright when we reached Brazil. Gecko and I were now running back to the guild.

"You know Gecko, I can't help but shake the feeling that we're missing something", I told him as he held onto my head for his adorable life. I didn't get an obvious response as I wasn't looking at him, but I could tell he was listening. "Like I feel like there was something we could have done that would have saved us time, energy and money… oh well."

We went on like that for about a few hours when I saw smoke in the direction we were heading. And we were pretty close to the guild too.

"Huh, that's strange. Hey Gecko, don't we usually not burn the POWs at the stake until autumn?" I got some kind of response. "Wait, aren't I the only one who does that?"

 **(15 minutes later)**

Gecko and I got my answer as we were bathed in the warmth. It was honestly nice… just for some reason the guild looked different. Maybe it was the fact that it was completely on fire… huh. Some snaps were heard and in just a few moments the blazing ball of my guild fell from the canopy and came crashing to the ground. I stared at the still burning mass of fire.

"Huh…" I said as I stared at the flames. One of the nearer things burning caught my attention. It was a body. Upon closer inspection, I could barely recognize it as Solar Flicker… or at least what was left of her.

"... Huh…" I continued. Gecko poked my head to get my attention. He was gesturing at something to my right. I looked and found a note on the tree. I walked up to it and picked it up. I held it in front of me. "What's it say?"

Gecko climbed down and began reading the letter as I interpreted his body language.

"So some group attacked the guild, attempting to slaughter everypony when one of the rooms they checked exploded and everything caught on fire and they had to leave in order to survive?" I asked. I got a nod in response. "And the note's signed? By who?"

Some body language.

"Rohdiamant? Isn't that Germane? We were attacked by Germanes?" I asked. Then I figured out something. One of the rooms exploded, causing the guild to burn down. I booby-trapped my room with powerful explosives…

"HA!"

 **Oh… oh shit… did… did something actually just happen? Have we actually started with the plot?! OH MY GOD ARE THINGS HAPPENING?! Well this was a lazy chapter. Had to write this in my free-time between college and soccer (intramural because I suck lol). But still, we actually had an important event happen. Our overpowered protagonist finds himself with no more guild, no more home and most importantly… who the f**k's going to pay him now? Where will he go from this? Find out next time… in January probably. I'm actually doing a decent job with updating a story a month. Well I'm done talking. Solo, say stuff!**

 _ **SoloAcrobat6 is satisfied with this chapter, just… just wish the poor dude could read. But oh well, that will be explained much later on. Bye Bye**_

 **Follow/Favorite if you're actually curious as to what happens in the plot now. Also leave us a review please! I'd kill for some feedback!**


	4. Headlock

Chapter 4: Headlock by Bad Boy Bill

 **And we're back! Chapter 4 looks to be an interesting one at the very least. We actually had something related to the plot happen! What will our protagonist do in the wake of the destruction of the guild (which was mostly his fault) and the death of all his comrades (... also pretty much his fault). And the one's who attacked them were the Germanes! So it must be Nazis. Any other guesses Solo?**

 _ **SoloAcrobat6 guesses it was Hydra, those cheeky bastards always make a good movie with their evil plans. Either that or it was in fact… well I don't know, who gives a damn what I think. Not like I made this fanfic or anything… oh right, I made half of it. Damn.**_

 **Is that your two bits?** _ **Don't be a hater**_ **. I hate what I want.** _ **I am currently eating chow mein**_ _**and general tao's chicken.**_ **I'm… not eating.** _ **How sad.**_ **Stfu.**

 **Okay, for real, let's get on to the story. Also since I don't think we've done this but…**

 **Disclaimer: Solo nor I own MLP… now we can move on.**

I sighed as I stared at the sign. I could only assume it was one of those 'Welcome to… place' signs but I didn't have time for it or its crap. I had taken me about a month just to find my way to Germaney. First, had to cross the Atlantic Ocean to get Smane, and then had to travel all the way to Germaney on hoof. Gecko was probably feeling just as pissed as I was. Having to either sit on top of my head or having to ride in my pocket for long lengths of time. Of course, the reason we were making this grueling trip was for one reason and one reason only. We were going to hunt down the ones who attacked the guild and make sure they knew that they missed one. They were going to pay… oh they were going to pay a lot.

 **(Flashback to after chapter 3)**

"Hahahahahahahaha", I couldn't stop laughing. It was just too hilarious. The base was actually attacked, blown up by the traps I had set in my room and now everypony was dead! Oh my sides! Royal! That bastard's dead! Don't have to put up with his bullshit guild and his bullshit missions anymore forever! I froze suddenly at the thought. Wait… the stallion who had saved me when I was just a foal and introduced me to this world of killing and thieving is… dead. He'd been with me for literally almost my entire life. He'd given me a home, jobs, food and advice. Now he's dead… which only meant one thing now. I grabbed Gecko and held him so our eyes locked.

"Gecko… we can't get our pay for the mission we just completed", I told him, my eyes beginning to tear up. "We can't get any more jobs… which means no more money!"

Gecko blinked at me.

"No I am not overreacting!" I yelled at him, placing him back on the top of my head. Suddenly, I felt a disturbance in the air. Something very evil was coming. I looked all around me, trying to find the source of this ominous presence I was feeling. Then I heard it, the rustling of leaves. But it wasn't the kind of rustling that was caused by wind, it was the kind created by an unnatural force. I turned around slowly to see what was coming at me. My heart froze as my blood ran cold. It was a paper airplane. Not just any paper airplane… his paper airplane. I turned around and began sprinting, my heart pounding in my chest as I vaulted brush on the jungle floor. I glanced back, seeing still gliding towards me. I picked up the pace as I ducked under a fallen tree. I simply ran. For the first time in a very long time, I ran away.

I don't know how long I ran for, hours maybe, but the paper airplane never got closer nor did it get further away like it was taunting me. Eventually I just collapsed on the ground, panting hard as I was trying to catch my breath. As I laid on the ground, I felt the paper airplane come to a rest on my chest. I sighed in defeat as I sat up and grabbed the paper airplane and unfolded it. I held in front of me so Gecko could read it. He jumped down to my snout as I interpreted what he was reading.

"'Dear Charmer, I know what you're probably feeling right now… crushing disappointment that I'm not dead. But fret not, all is good. Except, you know, that everypony else is dead. But I anticipated such an attack and I am currently working on fortifying my new guild. Yep, that's right, I have a new guild. I'm offering for you to join me here… however, you'll have to find it yourself. Have fun!' That's what it says? Who does that bastard think he is? Like hell I'll find him. I'll join some other guild and show that bastard, wait there's more? 'P.S. - I have your pay, and you're not going to get it unless you find me.'", I sighed. Oh did I sigh. That rotten, motherfucking bastard. He was holding my pay hostage. But it's not like I needed the money…

"Gecko, how much was the pay for the mission we just completed?" I asked him. He gave three blinks. "Let's find the bastard."

 **(Current time)**

Of course, the only reason why we were here in Germaney was to find the people who attacked the guild in hopes that they knew where he had gone. We were walking through the streets of Struttgart hoping to gain some form of hints from the locals on the whereabo- bulletin board! I sprinted to the bulletin board. Bulletin boards were always full of quests and necessary information. There was a rule for that. However, there was only one paper in the middle, completely isolated and looking very important.

"Gecko, what does this one mean?!" I asked him, pointing to the paper. Gecko climbed down to my snout to get a better view. I began translating as he started reading. "'Hear ye, hear ye! On order of the royal king himself, all trained in fighting are to report to Berlin to assemble a party that will drive into the demon's homeland-' Wait, they're planning to go into the demon world? Oh my goodness… we have to join with them. Is there any other info?"

Gecko gave a series of shakes.

"They're going in to reclaim a holy relic that was taken? Why would the demons need a holy relic? Anything else? Those deemed well enough, will be traveling with the sacred Hero on this quest, and the pay is... Oh, we are definitely joining them now", I say as I then pulled out a map and marked the route to Berlin… this was actually going to be fun.

 **(Time skip)**

I easily met the requirements to join the Hero's party. There were about 20 of us including the Hero. Most were close-ranged combatants. Including me, there were only three archers so this was already a failing party. We all introduced ourselves and swiftly departed towards Dresden. Apparently there was a gate to the demon world in Dresden. It took us several days to reach Dresden. In that time, everyone seemed to bond and become friends… which was a _great_ idea before heading into demon territory. So now we stood in front of the portal that led to the demon world. The Hero was going to give a speech or something.

" _In less than an hour, we will venture into the demon's territory. This is one of the largest parties assembled to have ever raided the demons in the history of ponykind. Ponykind. That word should have a new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences. We will be united. Perhaps it's fate that today is Day of Germane Unity, and we all stand here united. But we are not united for celebration. We are united for annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live… to exist. We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive this! Today! We celebrate Day of Germane Unity_!" And with that, he disappeared into the portal. The others in the party all hurrahed and jumped into the portal. I sighed and shook my head. Everypony was totally going to die now. I walked up to the portal. When was the last time I had visited the demon world? Eh, and with that, I jumped into the portal.

I felt my hooves hit solid ground as I looked around. The demon world honestly didn't look that different. Well, there was the blood red sky. And the black sun. But besides that, it looked pretty similar… just more eerie. Surprisingly, nopony was being gouged by demons yet. In fact, there were no demons. Everypony else didn't seem to notice that as they began heading out, following the Hero. I ran up to the front of the party, to talk to the Hero.

" _So how are we finding this holy relic_?" I asked him. He held out a compass-looking thing. It seemed to just have one arrow though and was pointed forward.

" _This is locked onto the relic's energy signal and will lead us to it_ ", he replied. I nodded and fell back to the back of the party. We walked for about 20 minutes before the hero stopped us at some temple-looking building that clearly was harboring at least 50 demons.

" _It's in there_ ", the Hero said as he pointed to the temple. I silently laughed. Everypony was definitely going to get slaughtered at this rate. We walked in eerie silence up to the temple where two stallions opened the doors and we ventured in. There were windows on the sides so natural light flooded in. It was obvious to tell we were going to get ambushed here. Or maybe up on the floor above. I noticed that the walls and floor were all stone as well. The Hero nodded in what looked like affirmation.

" _It's definitely here… I can feel it_ ", he said as he looked around. Suddenly, a voice that made one's body shiver just at the sound, rang out.

" _Well… well… well. What do we have here? Some ponies think they're brave. Traveling into demon territory to reclaim a holy relic. How… righteous. I believe that's the term you ponies use_ ", suddenly, the walls gained eyes. No wait, those were just the demons ambushing us like I totally called it! I counted about 50, again, like I totally called it. We were completely surrounded. Even the exit was blocked off.

" _If you want your relic, all you have to do is make it to the second floor… have fun with that_ ", and then the voice disappeared and the demons started materializing. The demons were quite fearsome looking. They were bipedal creatures, with a black skin that almost looked like shadows and glowing red eyes. They were almost twice the size of us ponies and had a strong muscular system. Their feet and hands were clawed. Had quite the sharp horns on their heads which were perfect for impaling. Even serrated teeth to make it all the more painful for when they ripped you to shreds. They were practically born for killing… and I respected that.

" _You can go ahead of us Hero! We'll hold them off from here_ ", Soldier 1 said. Forgot his name. In fact, I didn't know any of their names. Anyways, the Hero nodded as the demons lunged forwards in mass. The Hero cut down a couple as he made his way to the stairs. I drew my bow and notched an arrow, firing it into the back of a demon who tried to follow him. We all formed a circle and began repelling the demons… is what I'd like to say, but it didn't take long for the demon's to overrun us. I watched as Soldier 1 was pulled apart by two demons, his blood splattering everywhere… and then they ate him. Soldier 2 was swiftly beheaded with a bite around the head. The demon seemed pleased as his blood gushed out from the wound. Soldier 3 was currently having his insides pulled out by a demon, his screams echoing throughout the floor. Soldier 4 was… actually already dead. But there was a huge puddle of blood. Soldier 5 was actually fending for himself pretty well, until a demon came up from behind him and impaled him with his horns. Called that too. Soldier 6 was missing a few limbs and crying. Soldier 7 was having his head shoved into his body. Which honestly was quite hilarious. Soldier 8 was split in half by a demon carrying a sword. Missed that guy. Soldier 9 was still alive and fighting. Soldier 10 was thrown into Soldier 9 and now they were being ripped limb from limb. Soldiers 11-13 were already dead. No wait… everypony was actually already dead. That did not last as long as I hoped. I realized my body had been on autopilot as I looked around. All the demons were staring at me. Minus about eight, the few who had been trying to climb the stair was dead, and the other five lay dead at my hooves. I glanced about, just making sure all the other adventurers were dead. Now, I could get serious against the demons. A demon charged straight at me.

"Press play", I sang as I fired an arrow, going clean through his head. He crumpled to the floor, his demon blood pooling out. They then got the idea to charge me in numbers more than one. Two came at me from both sides.

"Fast forward", I sang as I shot an arrow, killing the one on my left. I notched another arrow and rolled under the demon charging from the right. Without looking I fired the arrow.

"Non-stop", as the demon fell to the ground. Then they all charged at once. I put my bow away and summoned my dual ice swords.

"We have a beaten path before us", and two demons fell with their necks slashed open. I ducked under a claw slash and leaped forward, stabbing a demon with both of my swords.

"It was all there", I jumped off, the demon's black blood gushing out of the wounds as he collapsed.

I danced around the mass of demons, avoiding slashes and bites and other ways the demons were trying to maim me. I jumped onto the back of a demon and began stabbing as many times as I could before its body dropped.

"In plain sight", I rolled off its back and went into a whirlwind of parrying as the demons started trying to overwhelm me. I was parrying strikes for about a solid minute before finding an opening.

"Come on people", I threw one of my swords forward, impaling hilt-deep in a demon's head causing it to snap back in recoil. I teleported to the demon and grabbed my sword before jumping in the air. Several demons jumped after me, seeing it as an opportunity.

"We have all seen the signs", I simply threw both my swords at the incoming demons, killing two of them. I then drew my bow and notched an arrow simultaneously.

"So we will never get back to", I fired the arrow, my aim was flawless as it sunk into his eye and invaded his brain. I notched a second arrow but realized that I would be hit before I could fire it. So I teleported. But I didn't teleport backwards or out of his reach. I teleported closer to him, using a leg to stop his swinging arm as I put the arrow on his forehead. I smiled as its eyes lit up in recognition of what was about to happen. I pooled magic into the drawstring and released the arrow at almost supersonic speed. It easily passed through him and continued until it impaled another demon before exploding, catching three others in collateral. I had reduced their numbers by almost half at this point. I landed on the ground gracefully and watched as the demons seemed to be formulating a new strategy of attack. Despite their ferocity in battle and terrible jokes, demons were actually quite intelligent. While the average pony was smarter than the average demon, the smartest ponies couldn't even hold a grain of salt to the smartest demons.

"To the old school", I ducked into a demon trying to slash me and used my body to knock him back. I quickly notched an arrow and killed him instantly with a headshot. It was then that I noticed a demon stepping forward. Oh, it was the one with the sword! I slung my bow back onto my back and used my magic to retrieve my ice swords from the dead bodies.

"To the old grounds", I charged, my swords spinning wildly around me as I bear down on the demon who leveled its sword at me.

"It's all about the newfound", I flung one of my swords at it. Instead of blocking, the demon sidestepped my sword with ease. This was definitely a well-trained demon swordsman.

"We are the newborn", I grinned as I jumped into the air, spinning to gain momentum as I crashed my ice against his… demon sword material. Not actually sure what it was. But anyways, as I slammed with all my force into his block, his back leg buckled and it was forced down onto its knee. Hairline fractures spread beneath him. My strength clearly took him by surprise. But the surprise didn't last long.

"The world knew about us", my show of power was enough of a distraction for me to pull my thrown sword back into his chest. Which it then fell on. I turned over its body and retrieved my sword. I noticed at this point that my swords were practically covered in demon blood. It honestly made them look pretty badass as the black fluid dripped from them. The demons were hesitating to attack me… which just meant that I had to go to them. I dropped my saddlebags. They fell with a 'crack', the stone floor cracking from the weight of the bags. Stupid bags would probably give me spine troubles by the time I was in my thirties. I rolled my shoulder joints a bit. God I could use a massage.

"We are the future and we're here to stay", I launched myself forwards at the nearest demon. I got there before he could even flinch in reaction as I slit his throat wide open.

"We've come a long way since that day", I continued as the demons started to react to my new speed. In a whirlwind of slashes, I left a demon missing all four of its limbs.

"And we will never look back at the faded silhouette", I jumped over a demon who tried to claw me and set my sights on the demon behind it. I stabbed both my swords into its two lungs, at least were I assumed the two lungs were… also assuming demons had two lungs. In the wake of that, I pulled both swords up causing a fountain of blood to erupt.

"We've come a long way since that day", I turned to the demon I had jumped over, who was still turning around. I slashed at its open leg, cleanly cutting it off. As it toppled, I positioned my second sword so it impaled the falling demon's neck.

"And we will never look back", I dodged a demon that had tried to kill me with my back turned. I lopped off its outstretched hand. As it recoiled in pain, I rushed it and began stabbing into its stomach. I continued stabbing as blood began splashing out, but I used a magic shield so none of it fell on me. I stopped and let it collapse to the ground.

"Look back at the faded silhouette", several demons tried to rush me at once again. But this looked different. I could tell from just the way their bodies shifted that they weren't actually trying to kill me. I threw myself between the legs of one of them, chopping as I went. I looked back to around and found the source of my suspicion. A demon was trying to escape into the shadows. Probably to get reinforcements, which meant that these other demons had just been trying to distract. That made my blood seethe. Without a hesitation, I jumped back over the two demons that were still standing. I landed on the demon whose legs I had chopped off, I also stuck my swords in its head and his chest. I drew my bow and notched an arrow. But this was a special arrow. This one had a grappling hook head, just a bit smaller and narrower. It also had a long line of rope with it that led into one of my saddlebag pockets.

"Straight ahead on the path we have before us", I fired it between the two demons where it shot into the fleeing demon's leg, which was all that was left as it was almost entirely into the shadow. I used my teeth to bite into the rope. I then used my neck for all it was good for and pulled as hard as I could. The demon was pulled out of the shadow and was flying at me, foot first. I let go of the rope moved out of the way as the demon crashed into the two demons who had been standing still like dumbassses. I strolled over to the demon with the small grappling hook in his leg and promptly punched him until his face caved in and he became a bloody pulp. I looked up as the other demons had just been sitting there. Their faces all shared the same general emotion of shock. This was clearly something new for them and something they had never expected or been prepared for. I tilted my head back and laughed. This was actually so much more fun than I had thought!

"Day by day", I grabbed the sword that I had left in the demon's chest and walked over to the other two demons that were struggling to get up. One's arm seemed to just lay limp to its side. Probably dislocated. I smiled as I advanced on that demon. It tried to take a swing at me, but before it could even raise its healthy arm up to start, I teleported to its side and delivered a punch to the back of its knee, dead-legging it. It fell back to the ground where I swiftly stabbed my sword into its healthy shoulder. There, now it couldn't move. Time to do some scientific research. Today's question, how much torque does it require to remove the head of a demon from the rest of its body? After some twisting, screams and maybe a bit of diabolical laughter, I found that it took about 4000N of torque. Much more than required for a pony.

"Soon the change will come", I faced the other demon, ripping my sword from the now headless demon's body. This demon seemed to have some trouble breathing and was holding a hand over its chest. Fractured or broken ribs. I huffed. This one was too easy. I dropped my sword and swiftly delivered a punch where its hand was, with as much force as I could muster. I was actually just trying to pulverize his ribs but accidentally punched _into_ his ribs. I almost pulled back out but realized that I had also punched its own hand into itself. I smiled as I grabbed its hand and shoved it upwards, further into the body. And with that, I pulled out as the demon was coughing blood, and spilling. It looked really awkward as he fell to the ground, his claw still inside itself.

"Don't you know we took a big step forward", without missing a beat, I picked up my sword and threw it at a demon, going hilt-deep into its head.

"Just lead the way and we pull the trigger", I grabbed my second sword from the dead demon's head and leaped. I landed on the demon's shoulder, riding his falling body as I grabbed my sword and jumped to the nearest demon. I sunk my swords into its shoulders and pulled down with all my strength, separating the demon's body into three vertical parts.

"Now we will never get back to", I quickly moved to another demon and chopped off its leg and sliced its throat.

"To the old school", I stabbed a demon were I assumed the heart was, but twisted my sword in it, just to make sure it was a fatal wound. Thankfully, low-born demons such as these didn't have regenerative abilities. In fact, if I remembered right, their healing abilities were actually worse than ponies. Did that make them easier to kill? Hell no.

"To the old grounds", I heard movement behind me and swung around with the demon still impaled on my sword. Which took a lot of effort… demons are heavy. My meat shield was met with a claw. The demon actually got its claw stuck in my meat shield's head… well it was definitely dead now. But the hilarity of the situation caused me to laugh as I brought my free sword up and sliced off its hand. I then dislodged my sword and jumped into the demon. Bringing my sword up through the bottom of the demons head, I granted it a swift death.

"It's all about the newfound", I noticed that I had about ten more demons to slaughter before I was done. The demons also seemed to notice this as they began backing up away from me. Oh it was adorable! I dropped my swords and drew my bow. I notched an arrow and fired it into the knee of a demon, crippling it from moving. This seemed to cause the other demons to come to the conclusion that they needed to run. I didn't hesitate to draw a second arrow and fire it into another's head, killing it instantly.

"We are the newborn", I notched a special arrow and fired it upwards. I ducked down into my cloak as it exploded… actually exploded wasn't really a good term for it. More like it shoot everywhere. But it shot flash grenades I had crafted. I grabbed the sunglasses from inside my cloak which I totally bought as a countermeasure for flash grenades and not because I thought they made me look badass. Anyways, my vision brightened up, but not blindingly so. Of course, I did this to both blind the demons and momentarily erase all of the shadows the demons had been trying to escape into. From there it was pretty simple work with my dual ice blades. I quickly judged which demon had been closest to escaping and teleported to it and slashed its neck open.

"The world knew about us", I teleported to the next closest demon and slashed its neck.

"We are the future and we're here to stay", another neck was slashed open.

"We've come a long way since that day", another demon collapsed to the ground, blood spilling from its neck.

"And we will never look back to the faded silhouette", another one bites the dust.

"We've come a long way since that day", this was getting boring again as another demon fell.

"That day", As I killed another demon, I noticed that the stone floor was practically covered in blood. Mostly demon, but there was some pony mixed into it.

"We've come a long way since that day", I came to another realization as I dropped another demon. They were still trying to recover. Ponies would have recovered a few seconds earlier which could have saved them… maybe this world's light was actually darker, so that made them more susceptible to short, bright flashes of light. I then noticed that there were only two demons left. I smiled. The nearest one seemed to just be recovering from the blindness and the second was the one I had crippled with an arrow. I got excited as I realized I could try something I had always wanted to do, but never got the opportunity to when going on assassinations.

"And we will never look back", I rushed the demon nearer to me and jumped up, summoning a fresh ice sword and swung it upwards. But there was something I was targeting specifically. I sliced off one of the horns on its head. I frowned as there was no blood, meaning that the horns were pure bone. I grabbed the horn in mid-air and threw it at the crippled demon. It impaled into his eye, causing him to roar/scream in pain. He went to pull it out but I would not give him the satisfaction. I swiveled the sword and brought it back down onto the demons head, killing it. I then used its body as a platform and launched myself from it. I drew my hoof back in preparation for a punch.

"At the faded silhouette!" I threw my hoof forwards for all it was good for and delivered my punch right onto the horn I had thrown. To say the results were satisfactory, would be a severe understatement. I fell to the ground with a 'splash' as the body fell with a 'thud'. It had a gaping hole in its head while the horn was completely embedded in the stone wall.

"We've come a long way since that day."

"And we will never look back."

"Never look back."

"At the faded silhouette", as I finished my song, I began laughing. Wait no, I wasn't laughing… I was… _giggling_? I froze immediately. I scanned the room to make sure that everything was dead. That was… scary. I had gotten way too excited during all that. I sighed, until a shift reminded me that I, in fact, was not the lone life in this room. I looked back at my cloak to see Gecko popping his head out of the pocket he slept in. We stared at each other for a while. He went to blink, but I looked away and cleared my throat.

"We'll just pretend that never happened, okay? Okay", I said as I walked over to my bags and slung them back under my cloak. They were pretty stained with demon blood. In fact… I looked down at my hooves and learned that my forelegs were soaked with blood. They were so soaked that it might honestly stain. Although my fur was such a dark purple that it looked black, my forelegs were now noticeably much darker than the rest of my body. I sighed as I would need to take a very enthusiastic bubble bath when I returned from all this. That then reminded me of the Hero. I looked towards the stairs. I had completely forgotten about the hero and the quest. I sped to the stairs and rushed up them. The scene that greeted me was this.

I stared at the demon. This one had horns that curled back, which meant that it was of the demon general rank… how convenient, I noted. In one hand, it held the Hero who was bruised and bloody. However, I saw the light and erratic rising of his chest. He was alive, barely. Probably because the demon had been torturing him for amusement. But as I walked in, the demon's attention turned to me. It stared at me in confusion.

"How… did you get up here?" The demon asked, not even trying to hide his surprise. His attention was then drawn to something at my hooves. No, wait, his attention was now definitely drawn to my hooves as I walked forward. It took me a moment to realize why. With every step I took, a 'splat' sound followed. I looked down at my blood-soaked hooves and then looked behind me. There were black hoofprints marking the way I had come.

"I took the stairs", I casually replied, turning back to the demon as I continued walking towards it.

"You killed them… all of them?" He asked me. I nodded, but then looked off towards the side, feigning consideration.

"Well technically the Hero killed a couple before he came up here", I answered. The demon dropped the Hero and turned to face me. I stopped as I was now within the reach of the demon. If it wanted to take a swipe, I was now comfortably in its range.

"I find that very hard to believe", the demon said.

"Well you could always go down there and check", I replied. The demon shook its head, but I felt like at this point it was just tuning me out.

"A pony killing 50 demons is unheard of in… history", it said. Yep, he was definitely talking to himself.

"Well I'm special", I said.

"Even this one", he nudged the Hero with his foot, "could have only maybe killed ten by himself. But this one is blessed with holy power."

"I'm cursed… does that count?" I asked it.

"So not only does this pony claim to have killed 50 demons, but it claims to have done so unharmed in the process", why was I even trying to have a conversation at this point? "But how else could it have gotten up here… also cannot ignore the blood on its legs."

"You know what? Fuck you, you're rude and a dick", I say before jumping up and punching it across the face. Except I didn't. My hoof sailed through empty air. The demon had dodged my punch. I didn't see its claw till it was in my face. But instead of trying to kill me like a normal demon would have, it seemed to just opt to punch me instead. I realized it was probably because it didn't even view me as worthy of its claws. It connected. Its fist hit the entirety of the side of my head and sent me flying. I hit the ground once before becoming airborne again and crashing into a wall. I shakily got up.

My head was ringing like a motherfucking bell. My vision was as fuzzy as a damned fleece. I probably had a concussion. It was at that moment when I realized the difference in power between a normal demon and a demon general. I couldn't stop the grin that crept its way onto my face. I tried to fight it… I honestly did, but I was just so… excited. I rushed at it in a slightly zigzag pattern before jumping. It threw a punch at me while I was in mid-air, which I had been expecting and countered with a punch of my own. My hoof collided with his punch which caused a small shock wave to travel up my foreleg. We jumped back from each other. I inspected my foreleg. I couldn't stop it from shaking. Nor feel it. But it responded to what I wanted to do. I looked up to see the demon doing the same thing. We locked eyes and I grinned wider.

"You are… surprisingly strong", he said to me.

"I could say the same to you", I responded.

"Why do you follow this one?" It asked me, gesturing to the Hero, who seemed to be bordering unconsciousness. "You are clearly stronger."

"Eh", I said. "I do strange things for money."

"Ah yes… you ponies have currencies", it mused out loud.

"Yeah… it's pretty fucked up what some ponies will do for money. I mean, I kill other ponies just for money. And amusement. But mostly for money", I replied.

"Makes you wonder who the real demons are", he joked, laughing. I joined him in laughter. We then launched at each other simultaneously. He threw a punch, no, he had his claw open. My grin somehow grew even more. I parried his claw and replied with a hoof aimed towards his knee joint. He deftly dodged upwards, nimbly spinning in the air to deliver a heel smash. I dodged backwards, but it read me and switched from a heel smash to planting its foot in the ground to launch itself forwards. It came with a downward swipe. I jumped forwards and went below it. I turned to face it, but it reacted surprisingly quickly. Without even looking, it threw a kick behind it, perfectly aimed at me. With no time to dodge properly, I put both my hooves up in a block and absorbed the blow. But that didn't stop me from sliding back. It turned to face me, its face was conveying… joy? I probably reflected the same. This was honestly an enjoyable fight. I quickly drew my bow and notched two magic arrows. It charged me but I was always faster when I was using a bow. I fired the two arrows, which initially fired outwards but arced towards the demon general. He spun his body and shifted his limbs with such agility that it looked like it broke the physical bounds of its body. The two arrows sailed through him… no, wait. I… missed. For the first time in what has probably been six years, I missed. I completely lost it at that. I began laughing hysterically, maybe even insanely. I didn't stop laughing as it continued charging at me. I didn't stop laughing as I summoned an ice sword. I didn't stop laughing as it kicked me in the side. I didn't stop laughing as I dragged my sword across its leg. I didn't stop laughing as I sailed through the air. I didn't even stop as I crashed into the wall again. I probably started calming down as I got up. But I was still laughing as the demon watched me in amusement.

"You… are quite the interesting specimen. I think I'll spare you and keep you as a pet to show off to all the others", it said, smiling at me. This sent me over the edge a bit as I fought to control my laughter. It wasn't till a hack of coughs broke my fit. I looked towards the Hero, he was gasping for air and seemed to be… mostly conscious. I had forgotten about him and the quest again. I walked over so I was standing between the Hero and the demon.

"So can I ask you something?" I asked, inspecting my sword. The blood was still wet and I had to shift its position in order to keep the blood from dripping off.

"You may" He said.

"Where's the holy relic that you stole?" I asked him.

"Ah, yes. It's inside of me", he answered. I tilted my head in confusion.

"Doesn't that… hurt or something?" I asked. The demon nodded his head.

"It does weaken me a bit", he said. My smile faltered at that, which didn't go unnoticed to the demon. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, uh, one request. Could you just like set it aside for a bit?" I asked of it. He paused and stared at me before answering.

"... Why?" He understandably asked.

"Well, when I kill you, I at least want the satisfaction of knowing I killed a demon general that was at full power", I responded. This caused him to go in a fit of laughter that was like the one I had just been in.

"You are certainly an interesting one", he said after calming down. He smiled as he seemed to reach inside himself and then pulled out a pony ring. "But I'll humor you."

"Thanks", I said as my smile returned. "Don't worry though, I have something that I think will amuse you."

"And what would that be?" He asked me.

"I'll also fight seriously this time", I replied. I held my left foreleg out and positioned my sword above it.

"Is that so?" He asked.

"Yep, you see, I don't think you were paying attention when I mentioned that I was cursed. Well it's not so much of a curse as it is a seal", I answered as glowing marks appeared all over my left foreleg. I learned there that the markings even appeared if my foreleg was covered in blood… the more you know. I couldn't read the glowing marks, but there were three circles that separated the markings.

"That's a demon seal", the demon stated. All of the mirth had left its voice as it stared at my foreleg. Its tone had shifted to, dare I say, fear. My grin broke new records upon my face.

"Yes. Yes it is", and with that, a drop of blood from my sword fell and splashed onto the furthest circle down my foreleg. I then exploded. Well, not really exploded. Kind of. But not like I literally exploded. Just all of my energy exploded, from me. It washed over the room. The pressure in the room increased as I even saw the demon general take several steps backwards. I began laughing as my energy still continued to flow outwards. I didn't stop until a voice behind me spoke up.

" _Wh-What are you_?" It said. I turned around and looked the Hero in the eyes. He flinched at my gaze. I looked deep into his eyes and saw one thing… fear. Fear that I would destroy what he loved most. Fear that I would take everything away from him. Fear that I would kill him. Fear that I would show him what true darkness was. Fear that I'd forever change his definition of morally unjustified. Okay, maybe it was just plain fear and I was being all artsy for it so I could be dramatic.

" _Promise me you won't tell anypony okay_?" I asked, winking, before turning back to the demon. "Hey, mister demon general..."

I got no verbal reply from him, but his focus was definitely entirely focused on me. I walked up to him. For every three steps I took, he took a small step back. I walked until I was right in front of him. I laughed as I gazed up into his eyes.

"... Can I sing you a song?"

 **(Time skip 4 days)**

I sighed as I turned on the hot water in the complimentary room I had been given. I grabbed the bubble soap and emptied it into the filling tub. The last few days had been a little hectic. I had killed the demon general and retrieved the holy relic and the hero. As I carried him out, we surprisingly faced no resistance. I had been hoping on that as I was relatively unharmed. So I had to have Gecko rough me up a bit before we left the demon world. And then I had to limp my way from Dresden back to Berlin with the Hero on my back. He had fallen unconscious by the time I killed the demon general and hadn't regained it since. But when I arrived in Berlin, I was met with a welcoming party. There wasn't much time for celebration as they had to rush the Hero to the nearest hospital. Then they gave me a free room in a hotel that was near the royal castle. When they left, they told me they'd be back when my presence was requested by the king himself. After they were gone, I immediately drew a bath.

I removed my saddlebags took off cloak. I'd have to wash both of those afterwards. I walked back to the tub and sank into the water. I closed my eyes as I laid down. I sat there for a few minutes before a 'plop' drew my attention. I opened an eye to see Gecko resting on my chest with only his head above water. I smiled and closed my eye again. I lost track of time as I just sat there. It wasn't until I started feeling cold that I opened my eyes again. It was there that I was reminded why taking baths after battles were a bad idea. The water I was in was almost black, and very murky. I sighed as I got up, waking Gecko who had fallen asleep. I emptied the water from the tub and immediately began taking a shower. After some vigorous scrubbing and an unshakeable will to be clean, I got out and dried myself.

I grabbed my cloak and a washboard before going to work. I practically took me an hour to clean my cloak. And then I stared at my saddlebags. I dreaded cleaning those if the blood soaked through. I opened a side pocket and inspected it… they were soaked through. Motherfucker. I began emptying my saddlebags. From my saddlebags, I pulled out my two throwing knives, two combat knives and my two longswords. I kept these primarily in case my magic was being blocked or restricted. I pulled out my 9-piece chef's knife set, always handy to keep around. My various hoofcrafted potions that ranged from healing to restoring magic. They were always good when I was in a pinch… which was never. I pulled out my many poisons (also hoofcrafted), from paralyzing venom to air-based toxins. Always good for amusement. I pulled out my shovel that I kept on me for… reasons. I emptied all of my arrows, which I needed to make sure to restock after the battle with the demons. Again, kept them mostly when I couldn't or didn't want to use magic. I pulled out my iron axe that wasn't so much for killing as it was a tool for necessity. I emptied my few notebooks and quills I had for planning. There were various other knick-knacks that fell out. Then, I cleaned my saddlebags and had to put everything back into its place.

Then I got to sleep… for about 20 minutes before a knocking sounded from my door. I groaned and got up to answer. It was a stallion I vaguely remembered seeing. He informed me that the king requested my presence. So, I slung my saddlebags onto my back and donned my cloak. I made sure I had Gecko and followed him to the palace.

The king was a stallion probably in his fifties. He had red fur and a blue mane and tail that seemed to be graying at the roots from probably a mixture of age and stress. He didn't seem to be very relaxed now. As I bowed in his presence, he gestured for all of the guards and aids to leave the throne room. A pretty stupid idea to do with a stallion he had only met once.

" _The Hero has awakened_ ", he said. He wasn't really even looking at me. It just looked like he was speaking out loud.

" _Is he alright, your majesty_?" I asked. This man was lucky I wasn't trying to kill him. I hated talking formally.

" _No… he is not fine_ ", the king replied. I raised an eyebrow.

" _What is wrong with him, if you don't mind me asking your majesty? He didn't seem to have any major wounds on his body when I carried him back_ ", I informed.

" _Oh, his body is healthy_ ", he said, but he still was looking off to the side which was really getting on my nerves.

" _Your majesty_?"

" _His body isn't damaged. It's his mind_."

" _His mind_?"

" _Yes. Ever since he woke up, he's done nothing but shake in bed and whisper about demons_."

" _... Is that so_?"

" _Yes… so let me ask you… what happened in there? And why did only you two escape_?"

" _Well, your majesty, we were lured into a trap that the demons had set up._ "

" _A trap you say_?"

" _Yes. They used the holy relic to draw us further into the demon territory. There, we were split up… I… I don't know what happened to the others. I just ran_."

" _You ran_?"

" _Y-Yes, your majesty. I… ran. I didn't stop running until I found the Hero. He had the holy relic in his possession, but he was unconscious. I think that the demons did something to him, knowing that he was the Hero. I grabbed him and fled the demon world_."

" _Is that correct_?"

" _Of course, your majesty_."

" _Hm… while I should punish you for your cowardice, I also need to reward you for saving the Hero and being the reason that we have the holy relic back_."

" _I just ask to be paid the reward that was promised. I don't need anything more than that_."

" _Is that so_?"

" _Actually… I also want all of the other soldier's rewards to go to the Hero. I believe he deserves it, your majesty_."

" _That we agree on. Fine. You'll get your promised reward. And can I ask of you to deliver the Hero's pay and see if you can talk to him_?"

" _I would be honored, your majesty_."

" _Maximilian_!" The king shouted. The doors to the throne room opened and servant entered, carrying two bags. The servant hoofed me the smaller bag which contained 30 pieces of gold. I pocketed them before the servant gave me the bigger bag. Just from judging by weight alone, it felt like there felt like there was almost 600 pieces of gold. I nodded at the servant before bowing to the king and leaving. If I had stayed for another minute I probably would have murdered the king of Germaney right there.

I made my way to the hospital where the Hero was staying, carrying the bag of gold on my back.

" _I'd like to see the Hero please_ ", I talked to the nurse at the front desk. She looked me up and down.

" _Can I ask what your relation to him is_?" She asked me. After dealing with the king, I was feeling a bit snarky.

" _Ugh, well we ventured into demon territory together_ ", I said while rubbing my chin, causing her eyes to widen. " _But besides that, I guess we're strangers_."

" _He's in room 307_ ", she told me, her mouth hanging slightly agape. I tipped my imaginary hat at her and walked off. I went to the third floor and found room 307. Outside was a guard who was probably on watch. I walked up to him.

" _I'm here to deliver something to the Hero_ ", I told him. He looked at me, I looked at him.

" _And what would that be_?" He asked gruffly.

" _Oh just a little something from the king_ ", I answered, throwing the bag from off my bag in front of me. He looked down and into the bag. He came back up looking surprise, flustered and shocked. Yes, those three are similar, but you can see it in the eyes. He stepped aside. I picked up the bag with my magic, and went to move past him but added, " _Oh, would you mind giving us some space? Just some personal things_."

He nodded his head vigorously and walked down the hall. I waited till he would be out of earshot before walking into the room. As I closed the door, the Hero's head shifted to look at me. But when our eyes met, his widened in panic and he began thrashing in his bed.

" _DEMON! DEMON!_ " He shouted, shifting to the far side of the bed. I began chuckling a bit as I walked towards him. " _DEMON!_ "

"Shhhh", I said, using my magic to forcibly shut his mouth, causing his screams to get stuck in his mouth. "You wouldn't want to worry any of the nice people here. Anyways, I'm here on the king's orders, he's an ass by the way, to give you your reward! But you know, after seeing you in such a state, this simply won't do. So I'll tell you what, I'll hold onto the gold for now. When you're feeling better, just find me and I'll give it to you then… ok?"

I released his mouth so he went back to screaming.

"Sounds good", I said, smiling. I walked over to his window and opened it. Three stories were nothing for me. So I took a deep breath and pocketed all the gold before teleporting down to outside the hospital. From there, I just started walking. Why had I come here again? Oh yeah, I was trying to find Royal. I was sure if I just walked in a straight line, I'd eventually see him.

 **(A week later)**

"What does the sign say?" I asked Gecko, who was sitting on my snout. He did some shakes. "Brussels? We're already in Belgium? Huh."

I was about to continue walking until a shake caused me to stop.

"What is it? A tournament? What's so special about it? Did… did you just say 1.6 million? This tournament is hoofing out a reward of 1.6 million bits? What is it a tournament of? The National Honorable Combat Tournament? A fighting tournament where anypony can join… and the only rules is that you fight till knock-out or ring-out and no weapons are allowed?"

I got a nod from Gecko.

"... Oh my."

 **Well… if you've made it this far then… congrats. This is the longest chapter I have ever written by quite a couple of thousand words. Bet no one saw this fanfic containing demons. But now we know a bit more about our 'protagonist'. One, he's probably fucking insane. Two, he's got some demon seal, anime bullshit going on. And three, he has a purple fur! I find it amazing that I've barely even described the main protagonist. Hell, the demons are more described than the protagonist. Oh, one thing on the demons, this is just me, but imagine humanoid deathclaws. So like deathclaws that are 6-7 feet tall, stand straighter, don't have a tail, black as night skin and glowing red eyes. Also, I hoped you noticed that I never stuck with a specific pronoun for the demons. I'm sorry if it pissed you off, I know it pissed me off. But there's a reason why I switch between male and general pronouns while not including female pronouns. And the whole italics. Well, that's to show when the protagonist is speaking/hearing a different language. Now the main language for each chapter can change. So that leaves the question… what language does the protagonist speak? Another mystery. Also, the song the mc sings is Silhouettes by Avicii. Not a particularly good song for slaughter, but maybe it has a deeper meaning?**

 _ **No No it doesn't, or not that I think it does. Though it did somehow fit in. Well that was a good bit of background for all of you, as it will be the last! Ok sorry, that is a lie, Solo likes to lie… sometimes. Good Bye!**_

 **Please review and favorite/follow if you enjoyed. I'd love feedback on my longest chapter.**


	5. Sunset

Sunset by The xx

 **Hello folks, we're back with another chapter that will probably be stupidly long (by my standards). So basic rundown of this chapter is our protagonist, Charming Charmer, competes in a fighting tournament. From demon world/seals to tournaments. We're hitting all the anime clichés.**

 _ **It is so damn detailed that it will make a picture film cry. Maybe. Probably not. Oh well, we can try. But anyways it is time for fights and a lot of bets to be placed… I wonder who will bet on the MC. Probably no pony. Fools.**_

 **So guys… not going to lie. This chapter has no value. It's just filler. So… much… filler. However, please at least read some of it. I want to know if my writing is improving or not. Plus, it's fun to read someone completely breeze through a tournament… right?**

"Hello, I'd like to register for the tournament", I told the mare in the booth.

"Well this is the registration booth, so I don't know why else you'd be here", she replied.

"Of course this is registration booth… I knew that", I said, nodding my head in affirmation.

"Is this your first year competing in the tournament?" She asked. I nodded my head. She grabbed something from under her desk. It was a packet of papers. She put it in front of me. "This is all the legal stuff, you need to read it, sign it to prove you've read it and give some basic information before we can officially register you."

I took the packet and thanked her before going off to the motel room that I had rented out in preparation for the tournament. After all, this tournament was estimated to last about a week at the very least. I entered my room and set the packet on the lone table that I assumed was supposed to act like a dining table next to the small kitchenette space.

"Alright Gecko, do your thing", I said, fishing Gecko out of his pocket before placing him on the table. He glanced at the packet before looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders. "Some legal bullshit or whatnot."

He turned to the packet and began reading through it. I sighed as boredom set in. I should cook something. Since we're in Belgium, I should cook something traditional.

"I'm going out to buy some things", I say to Gecko as I headed out. I walked to the nearest market and bought about five bintje potatoes, peanut oil, dry white wine, a couple shallots, two sprigs of parsley, a stick of butter, a couple of cloves of garlic, two sprigs of thyme and two sprigs of tarragon. I dropped off my ingredients at our room, Gecko was still going to work on the packet. I then had to teleport to Ostend, where I got some mussels from the North Sea. After collecting about four pounds worth of mussels, I deemed my haul good enough. I teleported back to the room and set out all my ingredients to begin cooking. Since all of the mussels I caught were wild, I'd need to clean them. I groaned as I forgot about that. So I went back out to buy some flour. After coming back, I put about a quarter of a cup and mixed it into a tub of water. Then I mixed some salt in before dumping the mussels in there. Now I had to wait a couple of hours… fuck. So I decided to take a short nap. I set a timer for two hours and went to bed. After that good nap, Gecko was done with the paperwork. He went out to turn it in while I went back to the kitchen. I checked on the mussels. They had purged all of the debris from them. I checked on all of the mussels by pressing down on all of them. Only a few of them didn't close so I threw those out. I whipped out my sauté pan that I carried in my bags and set it on the stove and set it to medium-high. I cut three tablespoons of the butter from the stick and put them in the pan. While I waited for the pan to fully heat and the butter to melt, I grabbed the shallots, garlic and sprigs I had bought, save for the parsley. I grabbed my chef's knife and began chopping everything except for the garlic. For the garlic, I grabbed my mincing knife and… well, minced the garlic. After I finished, the butter had melted, so I threw everything in and began stirring it all with my spurtle. I stirred until everything started becoming really fragrant, which took about a minute. My mouth started watering a bit, but I resisted. I grabbed the white wine and poured about a cup of wine into the mix. I then grabbed the salt and pepper I always carried around. The salt was gathered from the Dead Sea, because really, what body of water needs that much salt? And the pepper was ground peppercorn that I harvested from Malabar. After adding those things, I grabbed the mussels and threw them in. I grabbed my pan cover and put it over it and watched the mussels, occasionally shook the pan. I waited about five minutes and all of the mussels had opened. I took the cover off and grabbed a deep bowl. I transferred all of the contents into the bowl. I threw the pan into the sink and began running water on it. I grabbed my chef's knife again and started chopping the parsley. I garnished the dish and considered my work done. I heard the door open and saw Gecko walking in, holding a few pieces of paper instead of the packet.

"The mussels are done", I told him, setting the bowl down on the table that I guess was supposed to act as what we dined on. I then remembered about the fries. You can't have mussels without fries in Belgium!

I grabbed my heavy saucepan and poured the peanut oil in, putting it on the stove that was still on. But I turned down the heat to just medium. As I waited for the oil to heat, I grabbed my potato peeler and went to work on the potatoes. I thoroughly peeled the potatoes and went to grab my fry cutter. But I don't have a fry cutter. I swore as I had to improvise. I grabbed my chef's knife and in a flurry of chops, I had the potatoes in chopped into fries. The knife training I received in the academy really paid off. I grabbed another bowl and poured some water in it and then I used my ice magic to keep it nice and cold. I put the cut potatoes in there as I only cooked a hooful at a time. I dried each batch before putting it into the pan. I cooked each for about three minutes before setting them aside on paper bags to drain on. After doing all of the batches, I set the stove back to medium-high. I then cooked all of the batches again, for about four minutes this time. I threw away the paper bags and used new ones for them to drain on. I grabbed yet another bowl and lined it with paper towels. I placed all of the fries in there and whipped out my salt and lightly salted all of them. I set the fries onto the table, where Gecko had already begun eating. I carefully cleaned up all of my utensils and pans and cleaned my cooking area. I sat down with Gecko and began eating as well.

"So what's with the papers?" I asked him as we ate. Luckily for him, he didn't need to stop eating to talk. He gave me some blinks and some wiggles. I nodded and grabbed the papers. I sorted through them. One was like a bib of some sort, that let officials know we were participating in the tournament. My number was… why did that look like a lot of numbers?

"Hey Gecko... what's the expected number of participants?" I asked. Numerous blinks. "Over a million? Huh… that's a lot. And mine is… 897,489? Okay… that's a lot."

The next piece of paper was easy for me to read, even with my lack of reading ability. It was what the expected bracket would look like. Though… it looked kind of lacking.

"How does this tournament work? Is it fully single elimination matches?" I asked Gecko. He began answering so I translated out loud. "So it breaks up all of the participants into four blocks. From each block, eight finalists emerge via single elimination. All 32 finalists are then put into the final round, with the 32 that were given special circumstance to bypass the preliminaries. Each set will be seeded based off of judges and then the final round will be created. It will proceed with single elimination until the last participant. It works like that?"

I got a nod from Gecko.

"Then who the hell are the ponies who get to bypass the prelims? Because that shit doesn't sound fair", I said. I got several blinks from Gecko. "What? Ugh, that's stupid."

After that, I conversed with Gecko to get more information about the tournament in general. First, it was to start in two days with the first block. They estimated that each block of tournament would take about two days to finish. The final rounds were expected to only take a day though. So this tournament would take about nine days to come to an end. Normally I wouldn't dare spend such a long time in one area, but the cash reward for this was just too enticing. Gecko and I decided that I would obviously have to hold back a lot in this tournament. While the tournament prohibited the use of weapons, I had to be careful not to accidentally kill somepony by putting too much power into a punch.

The next day, we found out that I was put into the D-block, which means I wouldn't even be fighting for another week, but at least the finals would be held the next day. Now all I had to do was wait until the day for my block to begin.

 **(Day of D-block's Elimination Rounds)**

Dear lord it had been a long wait. I practically spent all my time resting and making fine cuisine. I don't think I've gone this long without killing somepony ever since I became an assassin. In hindsight, I could have scouted all of the finalists from each of the blocks, but in all honesty it wouldn't have made a difference. There wasn't a single pony in this thing that could hope to give me a challenge sadly. Anyways, now I was in the waiting room, my fight was going to begin in about 15 minutes according to Gecko. I was passing the time by sharpening my ice blades, making sure my mind was just as sharp… oh, that's a good line. I should use that sometime in a real fight. Yeah, I'll be going all badass with my blades on a bunch of peons and then the big boss will show up and be all 'Those are quite the blades you have there', then I, cloak whipping in the wind, will reply 'Yes they are. But I'll have you know that they're not the sharpest weapons I own', to which the boss would be like 'Oh?' and then I'd continue 'The sharpest weapon I have is…' Pause for dramatic effect, then I take off the sunglasses I had totally been wearing the entire time, 'My mind'. The boss would then give up, knowing he can't win against a person with such intellectual fortitude. Yeah… that's exactly how it'd go. I realized Gecko was pulling on my cloak.

"What is it Gecko?" He gave me a few blinks. "Oh, really? That was fast. Okay, quick review of the game plan. I'll go out there, take a few hits, act a little weary and pull out an incredible counter-attack where I shower my opponent in light punches. I think it's flawless."

Gecko nodded, and then a voice came from behind the door that lead to the arena.

"Participant… 897,489. Are you ready for your battle?" The masculine voice asked. I dispelled my sword. I got up, saluted Gecko and walked up to the door before opening it to reply.

"I am fully prepared", I answered. The stallion nodded and then looked over a clipboard he was carrying with magic.

"I'll have to inspect your cape if you intend to go out in it", he said. I nodded and he began using his magic and scanned my cloak… fucking called it a cape. Of course, I had left my saddlebags, weapons and anything that could be considered dangerous to normal ponyfolk back in the motel room. Not that he would have been able to sense them anyways. After being satisfied that he had scanned my cloak, he double-checked his clipboard. "I also have to warn you, that there are no rules prohibiting the grabbing of articles of clothing and are considered a part of the pony."

I nodded in acceptance and he triple-checked his clipboard. I probably could sneak in a murder right under these guy's noses.

"I also need to remind you that the use of magic is illegal and if you're caught using magic in an official match, you will be disqualified from the tournament", he said. I nodded again, but secretly smiled at the 'if you're caught' part. But I wouldn't need to use magic anyways. After going over several more guidelines, he led me around the giant stadium, which I had yet to see. We came to a door where the stallion stopped. I could hear all of the ponies outside.

"Just go through here and up to the stage", he said, stepping back. I nodded and was about to go through, but the stallion added one more thing. "Oh and uh, break a leg! Err, actually, please don't break a leg. I mean, if you do break a leg, you won't be penalized. That is, unless you continually break legs. Then we'll have to disqualify you. But as-"

"I got it. I'll try my best", I interrupted, tired of his shit. Honestly, how did he get a job doing this? The stallion nodded sheepishly, and I faced the door. I took a deep breath before going through the door.

Noise assaulted my ears. I was in a tunnel-like structure. I could see the arena from where I was, but not the stadium. But I could hear it. It was probably worse here in the tunnel as all the sound reverberated and echoed. I walked, not going too fast or too slow as I approached the arena. I exited the tunnel and everything opened up. The noise was maybe just as loud, but it felt more scattered and spread out. I looked around as I approached further. Despite that I haven't really seen many stadiums, this was by far the biggest I had ever seen. There were probably hundreds of thousands of ponies here, and I could still see gaps in a lot of sections. I then barely registered the announcer that was speaking above the noise of the audience.

"Alright ladies and gentlecolts, are you ready for the 1,548th D-block match?!" The announcer asked, causing a spike in volume. I looked forwards to the arena. Arena was probably the wrong word. It was just a slightly elevated platform that was probably about 150x150 hooves. I noticed that my opponent was stepping onto the platform. Ugh… it was a mare. She actually possessed a really good physique for a mare though, also being just several inches shorter than me. She had a reddish-brown fur with a dark blue mane and tail. Her mane was styled back and short, as to avoid getting in her way and her tail was also kept short. I stepped onto the platform with little difficulty. There was a little red box, where I assumed I was supposed to start. I stood in it, and I saw that my opponent was in a blue box. I realized the announcer was speaking, though this was a new voice.

"-eems like both of our participants are ready to begin the show! I believe some introductions are due for the two of them", the second announcers said. Introductions?

"On one side, we have Raven Haunt!" The first announcer exclaimed, another spike in volume happening.

"Fun Fact, she doesn't actually haunt ravens", the second one added… for reasons.

"No… no she does not. That's not her real name either, it's actually her stage name from where she competes in the amateur division of women's boxing", the first replied, informing all of us. Oh so she's an amateur boxer? That's probably why her physique seems so good.

"Yes despite being 38 years old, she's still able to compete at that stage which is pretty impressive."

"Are you calling her old?"

"I am."

"I'd be careful, she could probably beat you in a fight."

"I would hope she could, or else she's not going to get far in this tournament."

"That is correct. Now Raven Haunt comes from the city of Namur, Belgium. She grew up as an only child with her parents who were both in the working class. At a young age, she was put into self-defense training by her father. She grew a liking to it and after completing the class, she encouraged her parents to enroll in karate lessons. However, her parents had told her that she could only partake in karate as long as she kept her grades up. With a new purpose, her determination skyrocketed. She soon began passing her classes and her parents were glad that she found a passion and an outlet. She balanced her academics and her karate all throughout her education career. But then came the time to decide whether or not to continue into a university or pick a career. Raven didn't want to give up karate, and to attend university would require both money and time. However, you couldn't make money through karate… but there was one option. At first, her parents rejected even the idea of it, but they came to see how passionate their daughter was and decided to allow her to see how far her drive could take her. So she tried out for competitive boxing. Despite karate being much different than boxing, she grew to like it just as much and she became an amateur boxer. That was where she learned different kinds of ponies in the professional sports business. There were those like her that worked hard to reach where she had got. There were those who got to where she was on natural talent alone but lacked the drive. Then, there were those that had both the drive and the talent. She learned that a strong drive could only get you so far. So she's stayed in the amateur division for her whole career. She's taking part in this tournament both for the cash prize as well as to prove that she can contend with the top", the first announcer took a deep breath. Did they really need to have such a long introduction?

"Wow that was a mouthful", the second announcer commented.

"You didn't even have to say anything."

"That's because I won in rock-paper-scissors."

"Whatever. And now for our other contestant!" The first announcer said, causing yet another spike in volume. Wait, did I have an introduction? Oh dear lord, what could Gecko have written.

"We have… Charming Charmer!" The second yelled, not letting the crowd's energy level die down.

"That's an interesting name", the first commented.

"Agreed! Now let's see what we have for Charming Charmer…" Oh please nothing stupid, nothing stupid. "He's from South America and wants to win for the cash prize."

"Is… is that it?" The first announcer asked.

"Uh…" The sound of papers flipping could be heard. "Yeah… that's it."

"Huh. South America seems like a nice place."

"What? That's it? Gecko, come on. You could have at least put in something badass", I muttered under my breath.

"Yeah… How about we get this fight back on track?!" The second yelled, sensing the crowd's energy level dying. Then, a stallion walked on stage wearing a striped jersey.

"Alright. You should know the rules by now, but I'll briefly recap", he said in a gruff voice that was just barely loud enough to hear over the crowd. "The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

I nodded my head and so did my opponent. The referee, at least that's what I think he was, eyed us both before nodding. He held his left foreleg in the air. I noticed the effect immediately as the crowd seemed to die into a hushed cheer. There was a weird thumping noise though that I heard. Oh wait, that was just my heart. The referee pulled out a microphone.

"Alright. It is my pleasure to officiate and announce, that the fight between Raven Haunt and Charming Charmer may now…" He paused, obviously for dramatic effect. Hm… is she going to go flying out of the gates or try to size me up? "BEGIN!"

I walked forwards, as my opponent did the same. She at least had the wits about her to try to size me up. She approached me on the tip of her hooves and had her weight primarily focused on her rear legs in order to quickly spring up to use her forehooves. We were approaching striking distance and I reviewed my game plan. Take a few hits, then counter epically, making it look like I put my all into it. It was simple enough.

"Good luck", I heard her say. I smiled and nodded back. Really? Who wishes their opponents good luck? Once I had entered her striking distance, she acted quickly. It was there that I realized why she was stuck in the amateur division. Instead of going for a jab or maybe even a cross, she opened with a haymaker. Never open with a haymaker. But oh well, I could take the punch. Even though I wasn't taking this fight seriously, I almost laughed at how slow she was moving to me. I could easily dodge something like this. As I braced for the impact, I felt my body twisting. Why was my body twisting? I was dodging. From pure, conditioned reflex, I was dodging. I felt myself evade the punch and then my body twisted again. I felt my hoof come off the ground. No righty! What are you doing?! You're breaking the game plan! I cringed a bit as my hoof came straight up into her jaw. It followed through and she was actually lifted off the ground from the force of the punch. My body returned to where I was standing by the time she crashed onto the ground. I stared at her as she didn't move. Oh wait, she was still breathing. I exhaled in relief that I hadn't killed her. Than cursed as I had accidentally taken the game plan, punched it a few times to show it who was in control and then threw it into a pit of carnivorous iguanas. I then realized that the crowd was silent. I looked around as the hundreds of thousands of ponies were all quiet, save a few that were probably drunk. The referee, jumped up onto platform and rushed to the girl's side. He checked on her before bringing out the microphone.

"She's unconscious… the victor is Charming Charmer…" He said, the crowd suddenly bursting out into cheers. It startled me a bit, in all honesty.

"I don't believe it! He knocked her out in one punch!" The first announcer said.

"I think that has to be a record in tournament history! What does the clock say?" The second announcer asked. Who though, was unknown.

"We're clocking that in at 13 seconds!" The first announcer yelled.

"That's got to be a record! Just who is this Charming Charmer fellow?" The second announcer asked. Whelp, there goes any chance I had at keeping a low profile for now. I did a small hoof pump and walked back towards my tunnel, a slight smirk on my face.

The face of Gecko when I returned was 'You are such a fucking idiot'. At least, that's how I interpreted it.

"It's not my fault! I swear it was pure reflex!" I said. He gave me several blinks.

"I know, I know. I'll be more careful next round to make it more believable", I assured him before lying down and closing my eyes. "Anyways, wake me up for the next round."

 **(Several Hours Later)**

A tugging sensation woke me from my dreamless sleep. I opened my eyes and looked for Gecko. I didn't see him, until I figured out where the tugging sensation was coming from.

"I'm awake", I said. Gecko then jumped off of my head. I yawned and stretched. "So my fight's soon?"

Gecko nodded his head, and then gave me several accusatory blinks.

"It was an accident, okay? I'll be more careful this round, I promise", I said. Then a knock at the door drew my attention.

"Participant 897,498. Are you ready for your fight?" A voice asked. Ugh, it was the same stallion actually. I nodded at Gecko and he nodded back. I got up and walked to the door, before opening it.

"As ready as I'll ever be", I replied to the stallion, who was smiling. He looked down at his god-damned clipboard.

"I'll have to check your cape again", he told me. It's a motherfucking cloak!

"Please do", I replied. He scanned my CLOAK. He nodded in satisfaction before going back to his clipboard.

"I also have to remind you that your cape can be grabbed and is considered part of you", he said. I nodded in understanding, but I just really didn't want to hear all this again. "I also have to tell you that magic is prohibited and if you're caught using it, then you will be disqualified from the tournament."

I had to sit through several more legal stuff or whatever. I just kind of zoned out when he was talking. But I nodded my head whenever it seemed like he wanted a reply. He began walking off and I followed him. We took the same route as the first time, so I was going to be on the same side as before. We stopped by the door. He turned to me. Oh please don't talk, please don-

"So was it luck?" He asked me. Damn it!

"What?" I asked, confused… mostly because I wasn't really paying attention.

"That one hit knock out. Was it luck?" He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Probably", I said, before quickly going through the door so I wouldn't have to deal with him any longer. I was met with the same noise as last time. I casually walked out of my tunnel, seeing that my opponent was already on the platform and in his spot. He was a rather… colorful stallion. He had an almost baby blue shade of fur with a mane and tail that was a regular blue and dark orange color. Even from the distance I was able to see his irises were a light purple color. He was also a pegasus. His appearance would have been downright adorable if not for his build. He was easily bigger than me and had much more muscle. He had a serious, deadpan expression on his face. I climbed up onto the platform. I got into my red box.

"Alright folks! We've entered into the second round!" The announcer said, breaking my thought. It sounded like the same one from last time.

"Things are really going to start heating up now with this fight, how about we get the introductions out of the way?" The second announcer asked. They were the same two from the last round. Did they have to commentate for all of this thing? God that must suck for them.

"You're right! In the blue corner, we have Silver Soldier!" The first yelled, getting the crowd all hyped.

"Fun fact, he is not made of silver", the second said… wait what?

"... Nopony else was thinking that", the first said, sounding just as confused as I was.

"But he is an actual soldier", the second replied… what is wrong with that guy's thinking process?

"That is correct! Silver Soldier hails from Ath, Belgium. His dad was in the Air Component of the Belgian Armed Forces. As was his grandfather. And great grandfather. His family has a long line of serving in the Belgian Armed Forces. Silver Soldier is no exception to that. He's currently in reserve right now after spending four years on active duty. He joined the tournament to represent the Belgian Armed Forces and hopes to make it pretty far and make his family proud. He also has a two younger brothers who, guess what?" The first asked, probably rhetorically. So he was in the military? I guess that somewhat explains his build.

"Want to become the next great surrealist painters?" The second asked back.

"I hope you're joking! But they're also going into the military, following in the hoofsteps of their forefathers. Silver Soldier was never very strong academically in high school but he was part of his high school's rugby team where in his junior year they made it to the finals before a crushing defeat", the first said. What was the point in knowing all of this?

"I feel like he was the kind of kid who in high school bullied others", the second one quipped.

"Keep talking like that and I'm sure you'll find out sooner than you thought", the first one countered. Was that a passive-aggressive threat?

"Hahaha", the second laughed, the crowd doing the same. Seriously? Did nopony else catch that threat?

"After graduating from high school, he immediately enlisted for the Air Component and made his way through the academy. Of course though, in such a time of peace, he's never seen any real action but he's served his country well. At the age of 26, he got married to the love of his life and now he has a son who is six years old. They are currently living an enjoyable life and guess what the son wants to become?" The first asked, probably rhetorically.

"Does-"

"It was rhetorical. His son also wants to join the Belgian Armed Forces. Praising his daddy as a hero. I'd like for us all to take a moment of silence for his dedication and service for his country", the first said, causing a hush to go over the crowd. I stood there in awkwardness for several seconds before the second announcer spoke back up.

"And we're back!" He said. "Over in the red corner, we have Charming Charmer!"

The crowd burst into cheers, taking me by surprise.

"Hailing from the dangerous lands of South America…" The second was saying, but then kind of died off.

"You were trying to make his intro sound cooler, weren't you?" The first asked, causing some of the audience to laugh.

"Yes I was! Anyways, he's from South America and wants to win for the cash prize!" The second yelled, the crowd's energy spiking again.

"A lot of interest in him. He set the record for this tournament for the fastest knock-out in history", the first added. "We'll see if it was pure luck or not this round."

I noticed the referee climbing up onto the stage. He stood about where he had last time before talking.

"I know you both heard this in the first round, but I got to do this every round", he said. Seriously?! Though, I actually kind of felt bad for the referee. He probably had to say the same stuff for all of the fights. "The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

Both my opponent and I nodded. The referee looked between the two of us before pulling out his microphone. He raised his foreleg into the air, causing the audience to go into a hush.

"This round, it is my pleasure to officiate this match between Silver Soldier and Charming Charmer. The match may now…" He paused for dramatic effect. Hm, this guy was probably going to come flying straight out of the gates. "BEGIN!"

The referee jumped off the platform and the stallion started running at me. Plus one for me. Alright. I've got a military-trained pegasi running at me. I'll just stand my ground, take a few hits, be careful to avoid a ring-out and then win by ring-out. Flawless. The stallion was practically upon me now, though he still looked like he was moving in slow-motion. Alright, looks like he's going for a tackle, which was pretty risky considering how close we were to the edge. I could hold my ground against him though. I tensed in anticipation for the tackle and… why was I moving. I was moving towards the left! NO! I couldn't stop myself from sidestepping the tackle, but at least he seemed to be checking his speed so he didn't go off the edge. Wait, lefty? Lefty what are you doing? No going renegade! LEFTY! My left foreleg raised itself and my body pivoted on my left rear leg. Once he was right in front of me, my left foreleg came down onto his skull. He rocketed to the ground, slid on the platform, teetered on the edge and then fell off. The crowd became hushed again. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my snout.

"He's done it again!" The first announcer yelled, causing the crowd to go into a frenzied uproar.

"What does the clock say on that one?" The second asked somepony.

"That was eight seconds! He broke the record again! Incredible!" The first one yelled. I noticed the referee was checking the stallion. He brought his microphone out.

"The stallion is unconscious, and judging from the events prior, I am ruling this as a knock-out and not a ring-out", he said.

"That's incredible! We'll have to take this to our panel of 21 judges for the official ruling", the first announcer said. There was a pause, causing the audience to die down. "We have gotten the ruling back… in a decision of 17 to 4, they have ruled it as a knock-out!"

I did a small hoof pump as the crowd went back into an uproar. I walked back to the tunnel, the sound dying behind me… oh, Gecko was going to freaking murder me.

 **(Round Three, because if I do much filler between the rounds, this is going to be even more stupidly long)**

So after a long, stern talking to from Gecko, the third round came faster than the two prior… since the number of fights were cut in half. I was already walking through the tunnel towards the platform. I was getting almost completely adjusted to the sound and I could block most of it out. I noticed that my opponent was nowhere in sight. So I went to my box, the same red one as the first two rounds. The announcers began talking as I seemingly had to wait for my next opponent.

"With us this round, is the stallion that's become all the talk of today, Charming Charmer!" The first announcer yelled, getting the crowd warmed up.

"In the first round, he broke the tournament record for the fastest knock-out, and then broke it again in the second round!" The second exclaimed.

"Do you think he can break it again?" The first asked.

"I don't know. For one, our clock doesn't go into milliseconds so we have no exact time but I think the real question is whether or not he can finish the round in a single blow", the second answered. I sighed. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm definitely going to not win in one hit this round. I'll definitely make this fight genuine this time.

"Wait! I think I see his opponent entering now!" The first said. I looked to see my opponent. He was a dark purple unicorn with splotches of regular purple across his fur, while his horn matched his fur color. His irises were actually a nice green color. He had almost neon green mane and tail. His main was short, but spiked up, while he kept his tail short. He had a gruff look about him that made me think he was probably some sort of gang member or something. Some flipping of papers could be heard. "With us this round, we have Shadow Horn!"

"Fun fact, his horn isn't actually made of shadows", the second quipped. Does he seriously do that every round?

"I have no idea how you were selected for this. Anyways, Shadow Horn is a stallion that is 24 years of age and is in the amateur division of the MMA. He's a stallion from Mechelen, Belgium and is known as quite the deviant in the MMA. He is not only an only child, but as a young colt, his father walked out on his mother and hasn't been seen since", the first said. Oh, so he's an amateur martial artist? That might actually help me to make this fight look realistic.

"Those abandonment issues are probably why he beats people for pleasure", the second added. The fuck is wrong with that guy?

"..." There was an awkward pause that filled the stadium.

"But he's a great guy. Big heart", the second said, as if he knew the guy personally.

"Okay… as a student in middle school, he seemed too often get frequently into fights and suspended from school. His mother, with little left to do, offered to have him enrolled in a martial arts class", the first said.

"Hapkido", the second said. The Korean martial art?

"What?" The first asked his associate

"He's trained in hapkido, a Korean martial art that primarily employs self-defense through joint locks, grappling and throwing techniques", the second answered.

"... And you just say this now?" The first asked.

"Honestly I don't pay much attention when you talk", the second said. Dear lord, I think these guys' exchange were more entertaining than the fights.

"... How do you even know that?" The first asked.

"Pfft. Because I'm not an idiot", the second responded casually.

"You know what? Not even going to go there. Anyways, after being disciplined in…" the first trailed off.

"Hapkido", the second interjected.

"Hapkido, I was just about to say that. After being disciplined in hapkido, he became better in his studies and school and was able to graduate on time. After graduation, he decided to pursue a career in fighting, where he made it into the MMA. He uses a rather unique style of fighting-"

"He just uses hapkido offensively", the second interrupted

"... Are you done?" The first asked. Whose idea was it to put these guys together?

"Done with what?" The second asked like an idiot.

"So, Shadow Horn has joined the tournament to receive more money which he plans to use to give his mother a more comfortable living arrangement. Also, he hopes that if he's popular enough, he might just be able to catch the eyes of his father", the first said. Are they really going to talk about this in front of hundreds of thousands of ponies?

"Who he'll probably beat to death", the second added.

"I hope he's not the only victim", the first said, laughing afterwards. Was that another passive aggressive threat?

"Hahaha", the second seemed to join in on the laughter. I then noticed the referee climb onto the stage.

"Alright guys you know the deal", the referee said. He certainly looked really tired. "The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

Both my opponent and I nodded in understanding, to which the referee nodded to in confirmation. He grabbed his microphone and raised his foreleg, which hushed the crowd, despite that they had grown rather quiet during the announcer's exchange.

"I can now present the fight between Charming Charmer and Shadow Horn. This match can officially…" He paused for dramatic blah blah blah. "BEGIN!"

My opponent didn't close the distance in any haste and neither did I. We came about within ten hooves of each other when he took a step back. I narrowed my eyes at him. I took another step forward and he took a step back. He was trained in close-quarters combat and even specialized in a style that was defensive in nature. Why would he be trying to keep distance? Well at least he seemed to be strategizing a little bit.

"Hm… seems like Shadow Horn's hesitating to go into an engagement with Charming Charmer… think this is an elaborate strategy?" The first announcer asked.

"I doubt it. He's usually one to punch first, ask questions later. He's probably stalling for time so he doesn't become on the receiving end of another record breaker", the second answered, causing me to frown. Was he really just stalling? That was disappointing.

Since I had never moved much during my other two rounds, he had no idea how quickly I could cover ground. Of course, I couldn't use my full speed, I had to look at least somewhat believable. Though, by the time the stallion had registered that I was advancing, he knew he couldn't distance himself any further. So he reacted by throwing a punch at my face. I got it this time! I felt the punch impact… my left hoof, which had come up to grab the punch. I then felt myself step into him. I twisted his foreleg to the side, opening his body. Then my right hoof came up in an uppercut and connected with his chin. His head recoiled upwards and I stepped back. Crap. I did it again. Then the stallion's head leveled! Yes! I hadn't knocked him… wait. I sighed as I looked into his vacant and plastered eyes. As he fell forwards, I did him a solid and caught him in my forelegs.

"I believe I win", I told the referee who was off to the side. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before coming up onto the platform. He took the stallion from me and inspected him. He sighed, shook his head and then took out his microphone.

"Shadow Horn is unconscious… the victor is Charming Charmer", he said, the crowd going into a frenzy of cheers… but I heard something else. It sounded like… booing. I smirked as I began walking off the platform. I ignored whatever the announcers were saying and you know what? Fuck trying anymore. I can clearly win this, so I might as well be badass while doing it. I resolved myself to win the rest of the fights in just one punch. Because part of my enjoyed embarrassing all of these ponies.

 **(Round 4)**

I exited the tunnel and approached the platform. A smirk didn't hide my confidence as I strutted. Despite being pissed, Gecko agreed that since I seemed to be unable to control my reflexes, I should just fight while holding back. My opponent was also on his way towards the platform. I had trouble placing the color of his fur. It was almost like a dark, pale green or something. Almost grey, but I swear I saw some green in it. Maybe I could ask before the round began. He had a mane that was navy blue and a dark green, which I could tell was actually green. His mane and tail were short like everypony else's in this tournament it seemed. He had a fairly bulky figure despite having a small frame. I could easily tell from his light green eyes, guy must really like green, that he was young. Probably around my age, maybe a bit younger.

"Next up is Gold Ho- wait... is that him? It is!? Gold Hoof!" The first announcer exclaimed, getting the crowd.

"Fun fact, his hoof is not made of gold", the second announcer added like he always did I guess. Did they really have to announce for the whole tournament? That must suck for the other announcer.

"Are you seriously going to do this every time we introduce somepony? Actually, don't answer that. Gold Hoof is one of the younger participants of this tournament, coming in at 20 years old. He's a local boy, born and raised in Brussels. He's currently attending the Vrije Universiteit Brussel and is the captain of the wrestling team. He is also the son of previous participant who was able to make it to the final rounds", the first announcer said. That was an interesting fact. So he was the son of a past finalist? Well guess somepony's dad is going to be disappointed.

"So no pressure", the second said.

"Nope, and he's here to honor his father and according to him, he also made a bet with some friends that he'd be able to make it past the fifth round", the first responded. Oh now that sucks. I'm also going to make him lose a bet. Poor kid.

"Well he's got quite the competitor this round", the second said.

"Yes he does, but let's talk a little bit more about Gold Hoof. He lived with his father, mother and older sister before his sister left for college and he followed soon after. He got into wrestling at the age of six where he showed a good combination of dexterity and strength, and won many junior tournaments in his weight group. He developed more in middle school but didn't really show his true ability until high school where he began absolutely dominating regional and national tournaments. He's quite famous in the wrestling world and people are anxiously waiting for his professional debut, but he says he wants to finish college first and get his degree first. Interestingly enough, he wants to get a degree in nursing", the first said. Oh, so he was a wrestler? Then that will make this round easier.

"That way he'll be able to break ponies' bones and then patch them up. Hahaha!" The second said. The crowd seemed to laugh, while I snorted. Breaking bones in Olympic wrestling? Not likely.

"It really wasn't that funny of a joke. But, when asked what he'd do with the money he'd earn if he won the tournament, he replied that he'd use some money to help pay for his education and deposit some into his savings before giving away the rest for charity", the first said. Oh jeez, this kid just wants me to feel bad about beating him. Sucks though that it's me.

"He's got a good head on his shoulders", the second praised.

"That he does", the first replied.

"Maybe ponies should call him, Gold Head", the second said, getting another laugh out of the audience.

"... You might somehow just make me regret getting my dream job", the first said. That caused me to laugh a bit. This was really a dream job? Well I guess it was an international tournament.

"I try", was all the second said, but then suddenly continued, "But his opponent for this round is who most are considering the number one seed for the D-block. Charming Charmer!"

The crowd roared with excitement, but I still picked up a couple of jeers thrown my way.

"Currently the odds are not in Gold Hoof's favor at all", the first said.

"Not at all. Charming Charmer has broken the record for the fastest knock-out in tournament history, twice!" The second exclaimed.

"Not only that, but he is just two one-hit knock-outs away from setting the record for the most one-hit knock-outs in tournament history", the first added. There's a record for that too? Oh I'm totally going to break that too. I noticed the referee climb up onto the platform.

"You know the whole speal", he said before continuing, "The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

My opponent and I nodded. He nodded and then grabbed his microphone while simultaneously raising his left foreleg. The crowd began dying down.

"The official fight between Charming Charmer and Gold Hoof may now…" He paused. "START!"

Before the referee was even off of the platform, I had already exploded from my starting position. Of course, I wasn't going full sprint, but I was certainly moving faster than what any of them had seen. As I was sprinting, I zigged to the left and the zagged to the right. Zigged to the left. Zagged to the right. I kept zigging and zagging as I closed the distance between the kid and me. I could tell that at first, he couldn't keep up with my speed. But the more I did it, the more he adjusted to the pattern. Which of course, I was hoping for. I finally reached the last zag and was going to zig over the left to come at him from his right. In anticipation, he turned towards his right to meet me. So I wonder how surprised he was when he was clocked across his left. Instead of zigging over, I just went straight and came at him from his left. He flew from my punch, twirling as he did, and crashed to the ground outside of the platform. He didn't get back up.

"And that's it!" The first yelled as the crowd also seemed to process what just happened.

"Somepony get what that reads on the clock, that felt faster than the second round", the second said to somepony.

"The competitor Gold Hoof is both unconscious and has been knocked off of the area. Charming Charmer is the victor of the fourth round", the referee said, checking on the stallion. The referee's eyes met mine and I smirked. He held the gaze for a bit before walking off and shaking his head.

"We got it back, that one took seven seconds!" The second announcer said suddenly. "He's broken the record again!"

The crowd started cheering again, but then the first announcer suddenly interrupted.

"Wait!" He yelled, the audience dying down a bit. "I've just received word from the judges and in a decision of thirteen to eight, they have ruled it as a ring-out!"

"Aw, what?" I complained as I began walking off the platform. "Great. Now I have to worry about that too, if I want to break that record."

I huffed as I entered the tunnel.

 **(Round 5)**

I stretched a bit as I got into my box, these fights were really dragging on. According to Gecko, this was the second to last round for the day. I glanced at my opponent this time who was also in her box. She had a tan fur color but had red markings on certain spots of her body that didn't look natural, but I couldn't tell what they were. She had an olive green mane and tail. Her mane was styled in a way that made me think of something traditional and oriental. I could generally tell from how she moved and her purple eyes that she was old… not that I would say that out loud. I frowned a bit as my opponent was a mare again. Now I wasn't the gentlestallion type, I've killed plenty of mares before, but I didn't enjoy hitting them. If only this tournament was to the death… that'd be so much more fun for me.

"Mares and gentlecolts, we've got a good match-up for this round. We've got two favorites to make it to finals from the D-block", the first announcer said.

"At least we had hoped so", the second interjected.

"Yeah. Occupying the red box this round is Charming Charmer, the dark horse of the tournament", the first said. Followed by silence.

"Did… did you just make a pun?" The second asked.

"... Shut up", the first replied, followed by the laughter of the second.

"Anyways, we've gotten confirmation of Charming Charmer's age. He sent us the info during the break", the second said, after recovering from laughing. But I did not send that info. It must have been Gecko. That… or Royal was somehow secretly involved in this tournament! Naw, it was Gecko.

"Yes, we've been speculating for a while now, but he's surprisingly only 23", the first said.

"Makes you wonder what kind of things go on in South America..." the second said drifting off at the end.

"Anyways, looks like somepony brought a gun to a hoof fight, let's introduce Strong Gunner in the blue corner!" The first yelled, getting the crowd excited.

"Fun fact…" the second began, but then paused.

"Oh? Still got nothing to say about her and her name?" The first asked, rather snidely.

"... She has quite the magnums for arms?" The second asked, sounding unsure. You could hear the first sighing.

"... Ugggghhhh, why do I even try? Well, moving on, Strong Gunner is a 50 year old who is proficient in Taekwondo and Kung Fu. As the oldest member of this tournament, she brings an extensive amount of experience to the competition", the first said. Now that was interesting. She was a master of two different martial arts. This may actually be more fun than I had anticipated.

"She is really old", the second added… like a dumbass. Very many gasps could be heard from the audience.

"Did you really just… my word. One does not say such things about a mare, life lesson right there. Well, she has been married for 25 years now and has two children who are in the audience today to support their mother", the first said. Oh, now I have to beat these kids' mother in front of a large crowd. That's going to be awkward at dinner time.

"What good kids", the second added.

"Yes, yes they are. When we asked her what she would do with the money if she won the tournament, she told us that she would use it to pay for her kids education and retire from tournament fighting", the first replied, getting some 'aww's from the crowd.

"She doesn't look that old", the second interjected. This dude just flip-flops all over the place. How did he actually get hired for this?

"... What is your problem? Oh and her husband is flower shop owner, operating in their hometown of Ghent. She says she will help him with that when she retires", the first said with finality.

"Flowers are nice", the second said randomly.

"Just… just shut up", the first said, sighing afterwards. The referee got onto the platform and walked to his spot.

"The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?" He asked, just skipping right to the necessary point. My opponent nodded and I did as well. He raised his left foreleg, getting the anxious crowd to calm down for a bit before grabbing his microphone. "Alright folks, the fight between Strong Gunner and Charming Charmer may now… START!"

I was surprised by the short and not so dramatic pause. My opponent seemed less surprised as she started walking towards me. She wasn't in a rush, but she certainly wasn't stalling for time. She would occasionally bounce around on the tip of her hooves. I began walking towards her as well. I stretched my neck and all of my legs until we were a mere hoof apart. We locked eyes and stared at each other for a moment. I should strike first, just a simple jab to see how she-

I ducked to avoid the punch that was aimed at my face. I rolled to the side as she tried to bring an elbow down onto my head. I sprang up and launched a counter-attack. I threw several experimental jabs at her and she dodged all of them, not bothering to block or parry. I smirked as I figured out her strategy. Of course, when you're facing an opponent that had previously knocked out all of his opponents in a single punch, you wouldn't risk getting hit. She brought up a hoof to strike me in my chin, but I stepped back to avoid it. In a turn of speed that surprised me for a 50 year old, she swiveled and tried to buck me directly in my chest. I jumped backwards to avoid it. How could I take her down in one punch? I decided to have a bit of fun with this one. I jumped into the air, launching myself at her, trying a punch from above. She easily sidestepped it and was probably going to counter, but I transferred my momentum into a roll to escape her range. I spun up to face her. Alright, I got this now. I charged her and she aimed a punch at my left foreleg, which I parried. She halted my charge, and tried to score several hits on my forelegs, but I parried all of her attempts. Then, she finally did what I wanted her to do. She aimed a strike at my face. Despite being fast, especially for a 50 year old, I was still almost exponentially faster than her. So with just enough speed to beat her, I spun into her, narrowly avoiding the blow. I brought up my right foreleg and trapped hers onto my shoulder. Continuing with my spin, I drew her in closer to me. I brought up my left foreleg, forcing myself onto two hooves, and delivered an elbow to her face. I wasn't really aiming anywhere specific, but if you deal enough force to head, you can cause enough concussive trauma to knock a pony out. I let go of her leg and dropped down onto all fours again. I glanced behind me. Yep, she was unconscious. And bleeding from her nose, but I'm sure she was fine. I nodded at the referee and he frowned at me. He quickly gestured to some ponies off-stage before coming up to check on the mare. He brought his microphone out and with the frown still on his face.

"Strong Gunner is unconscious, Charming Charmer is the winner", he said. I got a surprising amount of boos from the crowd. I glanced back as paramedics put her onto a stretcher and carried her away. Well, maybe not so surprising. Guess I accidentally put too much force into that last blow. I think the announcers were talking, but I wasn't paying attention anymore. I just walked into the tunnel, a smile on my face as I listened to the booing and jeering from the crowd.

 **(Round 6)**

I got into my blue corner and awaited for my next opponent. I listened as the crowd was split between cheering for me and booing at me. I stretched a bit and made sure my limbs were nice and limber. This was the last round of the day and the cold was starting to set in as the sun was almost finished setting.

"Alright folks, we are continuing with round six which will see us with the last fights of the day. For these two who are fighting next, they are both ponies who weren't predicted to make it this far", the first announcer said.

"Which is all part of the fun of the tournament, getting these surprises", the second announcer said.

"True. And the first one out has certainly been the biggest surprise of the entire tournament", the first said.

"Definitely. Five hits, five victories", the second agreed.

"Those numbers are quite vicious", the first said. Hah! Man I wish I could kill in this tournament.

"We have, the one and only Charming Charmer", the second introduced. I waved at the crowd of ponies that surrounded me in the stadium. I, again, got a mixture of boos and cheers. "Hailing from South America and sitting at the age of 23, our analysts believe he'll be able to make it very far into this tournament."

"Wait, who is that? Is that the next contestant? The paper says it is Lightning Onyx... Well here is Lightning Onyx!" The first yells as I notice my opponent coming out of his tunnel. He was… black. Really, really black. He had black fur, black wings, black mane and a black tail. Heck, I even think his irises were a very dark shade of gray or something. The only thing that wasn't either black or at least a dark shade were the neon green highlights in his mane, which was fairly long and styled in a way that made him look like he was starting to go through a midlife crisis.

"Fun fact, he isn't made of lightning", the second stated. For reasons unbeknownst to me.

"By all that which is holy and pure, why are you here?!" The first yelled, taking me by surprise a bit.

"Well just a couple of weeks ago, I was in my studio, doing my show and all when I got a call that my assistant was of most urgency. So I answered it and boom, I was invited to commentate for the D-block", the second answered. Oh, so they're only announcing for the D-block. I wonder who's doing the finals then. And was he a radio dj?

"... Damn it...fine then. Lightning Onyx is of the age 39 this year, or so this paper says anyways. He comes from a long lineage of-"

"Butterflies?" The second interrupted.

"What? No! It was pegasi… I hate you… He has an outstanding family of 15 siblings. They run a delivery business in the local area. Though local, they also do business in a few of the neighboring towns. Most ponies here know the company of Lightning Deliveries. It's entirely family-owned and staffed", the first said. So this guy wasn't even trained in combat? He was just a delivery stallion? That's actually quite impressive.

"So child labor?" The second asked.

"No… they only employ the kids once they get to the age of 16. Though most of their business is deliveries for other businesses. Lightning Onyx says that if he were to miraculously win the tournament that he will use the money to pay for his parents retirement plan", the first said.

"Hm. I feel like there's probably some under-the-table business going on. Especially child labor", the second said.

"... You… you're really stuck on that, aren't you?" The first asked.

"Yes", the second answered.

"Well why don't you go dig around after the tournament's over to find out? I'm sure they'd really appreciate that", the first said.

"I think I will", the sec- oh the referee was starting to talk.

"-at you've been informed of your warning?" He asked me. Warning? Oh, right.

"Yeah, the stallion who always leads me out here explained it to me", I answered, nodding as well.

"Just making sure that you understand that you'll get only two more warning for excessive violence before you're disqualified", he said. I nodded. Seriously though, what was the big deal? I just elbowed an old mare in the snout hard enough to knock her unconscious. Ignoring the fact, that if I were to hit her too hard, she would have died. "Anyways, the fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

My opponent and I nodded. The referee grabbed his microphone and raised his left foreleg, shushing the large crowd.

"This fight between Lightning Onyx and Charming Charmer, which will be officiated by me, can now…" He paused for dramatic effect this time. "BEGIN!"

My opponent acted first by… taking into the air?

"Hey ref, isn't that illegal?" I asked the referee as he jumped down from the platform. He shook his head.

"Flying is permitted", he said to me, which I scoffed at.

"Oh so unicorns can't use their magic but pegasi get to fly as much as they want? What ha-" I then noticed something pony-sized was coming at me with quite a high velocity. Oh, it was my opponent. He was flying right at me. Wow, he's actually pretty fast. They must run a pretty successful delivery company. Maybe Gecko and I should do- oh right, dodging. I quickly calculated his speed and direction. After figuring those out, I simply waited for him. I jumped to the left as he tried to tackle me or something. But mid-dodge, I aimed a kick at his right wing, effectively dislocating it. The resulting crash was actually kind of hilarious. After his right wing went limp, he plummeted into the ground, went end over end for a while before hitting the wall at the edge of stadium. His body slumped and didn't move. Well if his wing wasn't dislocated before, it sure as shit was now. His other one was probably dislocated too. Maybe some other broken or cracked bones as well scattered here and there. Oh, and probably a pretty nasty concussion.

"The winner is Charming Charmer!" The referee yelled. But it wasn't in excitement. He was rushing towards the stallion with the pair of paramedics. I shrugged and walked back towards my tunnel.

"That's what you get for using hacks", I stated as I walked.

 **Well. There's filler. If you're reading this, then please leave a review on my writing please. Pretty please? It would be much appreciated. But don't worry, next chapter will actually have some plot in it… some. Also, longest chapter I've ever written again. Which kind of makes me cry since none of this has any value to the actual story… but it's somewhat necessary for what happens next.**

 _ **Fillers are so much fun, not. This is what happens when you need to progress!? Well we shall tell you now that this will be the first and last time we ever do something like this. But we do hope that it was not a complete waste of time so, hope you somewhat enjoyed it. SoloAcrobat6 out.**_

 **Thanks for reading and follow/favorite if you liked it! Freaking posting this at like 2 am…**

 **~djsoresupon3 signing out**


	6. Houdini

Houdini by Foster the People

 **Hello peeps, this note's going to be short and sweet as this is just another really long filler chapter. Read it though if you want to see a bunch of ponies get OHKO'd. It may be amusing. Thanks to frimboy3772 for the favorite and follow. Anything to add Solo?**

 _ **The ending might be somewhat interesting, but really annoying, or to the mc anyways. But yeah, filler.**_

 **Round 7**

I yawned as I exited the tunnel, walking towards the stage. Of all nights to return back to my normal and terrible sleep schedule, it had to be last night. And fuck, was I tired. I was the first up onto the stage and my opponent wasn't even in sight yet.

"Here we have the most unexpected participant so far out of the D-block, Charming Charmer!" Oh, how about that… the same announcer from yesterday. The one who didn't make stupid comments. I'm going to call him Rodrigo.

"He's quite something. Yesterday he caused quite the uproar, many ponies' brackets and predictions were completely thrown out the window without the slightest care in the world", the second announcer, the one who made all of the stupid comments, said. His name's going to be Dani. "Lost a lot of ponies their money."

I smiled at that. Making others lose money while getting it at the same time was one of my favorite hobbies!

"He's 23 years old and has travelled here all the way from Brazil! I wonder how he heard of this tournament…" Rodrigo pondered.

"Probably saw it on a bulletin board and thought 'I want that money'", Dani… said accurately. I'd have to keep my eyes on him…

"Don't be stupid", Rodrigo said.

"That's asking a lot", Dani replied, getting a laugh from the audience.

"Wait, what?" Rodrigo said.

"Is that him?!" Dani suddenly yelled, getting everypony's attention.

"It is! Here we have our second favorite youngster, Twisted Stallion!" Rodrigo announced. I saw my next opponent. He looked really young, probably the youngest opponent I've fought so far. He had a weird fur color. The more I stared at it, the harder I found to judge what color it actually was… maybe like a matte periwinkle? His hair though… wow. It was like… a dull, hot pink if that made sense. He had his mane done up in a stallion bun which made it really distracting. His tail though was very long and had grey streaks going through it. But not grey with age, it was a dark grey so I'm not sure what was going on there. His eyes were a light turquoise. All in all, his appearance made me want to laugh.

"Fun fact, he isn't twisted", Dani added. He is seriously going to do this every time.

"Somepony is going to be, if he doesn't shut it", Rodrigo threatened. It got a laugh from the crowd, but to me that sounded like a legitimate threat.

"Twisted Stallion turned 19 this year and is an only child. His parents are teachers at the local high school where they live, in Mechelen. His father was his math teacher during his last year of high school. While his mother is one of those PE teachers that will make you work for your grade. He says if he wins this tournament, he will use the money to help pay for his college tuition and books... What a great kid, taking all the stress off of his parents. He wasn't predicted to make it this far into the tournament but after some upsets and favorable draws, here he is! Though it looks like his luck's run out for this round", Dani said.

"... Hey, where is my script?" Rodrigo said. There was a brief pause.

"Good luck out there!" Dani suddenly said.

"You bastard!" Rodrigo yelled. There were sounds of paper flying everywhere and then it cut off as the referee climbed up onto the stage. Hey it was the same referee!

"Are you ready?" He asked the kid, who nodded in response. He looked at me. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't. I nodded experimentally and he looked away. Oh, somepony's being sassy! "Congratulations to the both of you for making it this far into the tournament. I still have to give you both the rundown of the rules. The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

Nods from me and my opponent… because fuck proper grammar. The referee nodded, grabbed his mic and raised his left foreleg, bringing the crowd to a hush.

"Mares and gentlestallions, in continuation of yesterday's rounds, the fight between Charming Charmer and Twisted Stallion may now… BEGIN!" He said, jumping off of the stage. I waited for the kid to make a move, but he didn't do anything really. Just kept shifting back and forth, back and forth, back an- okay fuck this. I'm too tired to be dealing with this dancer. I exploded forward, almost literally, towards the kid. I vaguely remembered about holding my speed back, but it was too late for that. And I was too tired to care right now. By the time I reached him, he had brought up a hoof to protect his face. I delivered a hoof straight to his jaw in an uppercut, this time holding back so I didn't, y'know, kill him. He did a hilarious number of flips before crashing onto the stage, completely ragdoll. I almost broke into laughter. He was just ragdoll and so colorful!

"Oh… my…" Rodrigo started, trailing off.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" Dani exclaimed. "DID YOU SEE THAT?! 'CAUSE I SURE AS HECK DIDN'T! HE WAS THERE AND THEN, BOOM! HE WAS OVER THERE! THE GUY WAS FLYING AND NOW HE'S ON THE GROUND!"

"Could you stop yelling? You're hooked up to speakers broadcasting to the whole stadium… everypony can hear you just fine", Rodrigo said.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT BE YELLING?!" Dani challenged. I noticed the referee out of the corner of my eye. He was checking on the kid but he glared at me. It was as if he was saying 'I don't know who you are, but I will take you down'. I get those kind of glares a lot. Hm, not like being a smartass can make the situation any worse.

"Hey, do I win? He's looking kind of unconscious", I asked the referee. His lips seemed to shape into that of a snarl but no noise came out. He brought out his microphone.

"Twisted Stallion is unconscious… Charming Charmer… is the victor", he said. The audience exploded into a heap of boos and general chants of displeasure. I then took the time to bow in all directions, getting even more boos from the audience. I walked back towards my tunnel, barely hearing the announcers over the crowd but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I smiled to myself as I entered the tunnel.

 **Round 8**

I yawned as I exited the tunnel, I was met with a few jeers but everypony seemed distracted by the announcers speaking.

"This guy may be small but he is… well let us just say an old, Nasty Devil!" Rodrigo said as I noticed my opponent who was already on the stage. He was a unicorn who, despite being fairly short, looked at least a decade older than me. He had nice dark green fur that was pretty close in color to my mane, just being a few hues lighter. He had a pale green mane and tail which both were kept fairly short but messy. He had green eyes that reflected wisdom, he seemed like the kind of stallion that was much more adept at magic then hoof-fighting.

"Fun fact, He isn't a devil or even a demon at that", Dani added his weird bit.

"... Calm down, it's fine, everything's going to be fine", Rodrigo seemed to mutter, but everypony could hear him pretty easily. He continued and spoke normally, "Nasty Devil is a bachelor who has a bachelor's in magic, hm, how interesting. He got his degree from the University of Liège but he's from the small town of Chimay, Belgium. He has been training young unicorns for 15 years now in a style that he created himself that mixes both magic and martial arts. Many of his older students are in this tournament because of him making it mandated actually for them to advance in their training so they get a feel for the martial art. The majority have actually gotten past the first and second rounds, and a few have even gotten to this round in earlier blocks and one will even be fighting latter on today."

"So they are just as good as their teacher?" Dani asks.

"No comment about that. When asked our universal question for all participants, he said he would use the money to hire a pony who has a more advanced magic ability than his to assist the students who surpass him. That would last for quite a while", Rodrigo remarked.

"He should use it to get a girlfriend", Dani stated, causing a laugh to go across the stadium and my opponent facehoofed as well.

"... Wow… That is harsh dude", Rodrigo said.

"In the other corner!" Dani yelled, shifting topic quickly. "We have Charming Charmer!"

A chorus of boos and a few waves from me towards the crowd.

"The 23 year old from South America who pulled off quite the spectacle last round", Rodrigo said.

"Spectacle?!" Dani asked. "That dude moved like lightning!"

"Y-Yes, he di-"

"I mean he was there, then _whoosh_ he was over there!" He interrupted. I ignored them as the referee walked onto the stage. From his body language alone, I could tell he was going to say something to me or about me.

"Are both combatants ready?" He asked, I nodded and so did my opponent. "The fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Understood?"

I nodded as did my opponent. The referee raised his microphone but then lowered it again. He turned to me.

"I would also like to remind both participants that the use of magic is illegal and if you are caught using magic during a match you will be disqualified from the tournament", he said, looking at me the whole time. Oh they thought I was using magic? How precious. Fucking with these ponies is just too much fun. He brought the microphone back up while raising his left foreleg to silence the crowd. "Ladies and gentlecolts, the fight between Twisted Stallion and Charming Charmer in Round 8 may now… COMMENCE!"

I assumed he jumped off like he normally did, but I didn't see it because I already was focusing on not killing my opponent. He had made a fatal error in blinking as the match started. Now, he got to open his eyes just in time to get clocked in the face by my left hook. I had to put in quite the effort to not break his neck as I had the momentum from jump that allowed me to cover the distance between us added into the punch. I didn't hear any satisfactory cracks as my hoof connected and he twirled in the air like a drunken ballerina… not to disgrace the art of drunk ballet. He flew off the stage and crashed onto the ground. The crowd exploded in gasps and other noises.

"HE DID IT AGAIN!" Dani yelled.

"Again with the yelling?" Rodrigo asked.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Dani continued. I turned to the referee who seemed frozen in shock as he stared at me. I smiled my smuggest and douchiest (it's a word in my book!) smile. He seemed to be brought back to reality as the crowd erupted into boos. He quickly brought his mic up.

"Ch-Charming Charmer is the victor", he said. I nodded satisfactorily and began walking back to my tunnel. When I was near the tunnel, something caught my eye. I turned and noticed something was flying at me. I easily caught it with my hoof. It was… a partially eaten apple? Seriously? Who takes two bites of an apple? That's so wasteful. I took a bite out of it and waved in the general direction it had come from before going back into the tunnel.

 **Round 9**

I walked out of the tunnel to see my opponent already out on the stage and the announcers were doing their pointless intros that they literally did every round. My opponent was a stallion of about normal height with… what color is that?! It was like some unholy abomination decided to give black some color! Is it a shade of purple? Red? I have no fucking clue! Ugh, just looking at it was giving me a headache. He had a much more normal purple colored mane and tail. He was also a unicorn and had light blue eyes. I studied his stance… he seemed very professional… too professional.

"Here we have a regular today, it is Undead Devil!" Dani yelled, getting a roar from the crowd in response.

"Fun fact, he isn't undead or a devil", Rodrigo said, doing his thing.

"You know what? Dream job officially ruined", Dani said, though I couldn't tell if he was just doing it for humor or if he was actually being serious. Probably a bit of both.

"Yeah!" Rodrigo said randomly.

"Don't blame me for what is going to happen after this is all done", Dani passive-aggressively threatened before just sighing. "Undead Devil is a 46 year old who has a… confidential work place…"

"That sounds sketchy", Rodrigo said and I actually agreed with him. I studied my opponent again and watched his stance. It was definitely the stance of someone experienced and trained but not in a martial art.

"Don't question a regular. He has won many different tournaments in the past and has personally thanked all of the tournament workers and volunteers personally every time he has participated. He said that if he won this tournament, he would use the money to open his own family restaurant in his hometown of Brussels, with all the recipes he has gathered from across the planet from his… confidential job", Dani explained.

"I am never going there", Rodrigo said.

"FOOL, ALL TOURNAMENT WORKERS SHALL GO THERE!" Dani suddenly burst out. There was then a hefty pause around the stadium as everypony seemed unsure of what to do. It was Dani who tried to break the tension. "A-Anyways, that brings us to his opponent today in the red corner, Charming Charmer!"

"It seems like this stallion is hell bent on bringing this tournaments to its knees", Rodrigo added. Eh, he was right, more or less. Wait, wait a second. Oh higher power that I don't believe in… I just realized something of utmost horror. I… was bored. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no I can't be bored. When I get bored I start getting introspective about my life and no pony wants that! Quick, gotta find something to entertain myself! What about…

What am I doing with my life? I'm freaking, and questionably, 23 years old and look where I am. Prime of my life and I'm jobless, I have no stable source of income and I'm homeless. Where did things go wrong? Maybe it was when I was taken from my family at a young age to become a slave for that rich, aristocratic bastard. Maybe it was that fateful night that Royal burst into the mansion and killed that bastard on a mission. Then there's the constant looming question of why he took me with him… and the even greater question of why I went with a total stranger who literally decapitated a stallion in front of me.

Then there was the hell of training he put me through. I mean, I have yet to understand how being thrown off a cliff is considered educational. Of course, the weapons training I was put through as I was trained to use and master so many different weapons that I'm pretty sure he made up some of them. And then I fell in love… with the bow and arrow. To this day, I have yet to find a sensation quite like the one I get when I fire an arrow and watching it glide into another pony's body. And when I hit their knee caps? Oh, I swear I've gone to heaven. Wasn't I doing something before I started brooding? Eh, if I'm brooding then that doesn't mean it was very important.

But why do I do, what I do? I mean I'm an assassin for crying out loud! I kill ponies because I'm told to! Well, most of the time… not to say I don't enjoy killing others, in fact, I love it. But doesn't that mean there's something wrong with me? I mean, it's not like I _need_ to kill… I just really _want_ to. Is that worse? Well what does it matter now? Everypony I know is dead. Except Royal whose off doing fuck knows what. Probably managing something. How did he go from assassin to assassin guild leader. What if he expects me to take over?! I can't fucking do that. That sounds like actual work. Like, real work. Like, not fun work. Speaking of not fun, what was I doing again? Oh… wasn't I going to fight somepony?

Suddenly, reality came back to me as sights and sounds assaulted my senses. I looked around and noticed I was standing over… who the fuck is this?

"AND HE'S DONE IT! A FLAWLESS CAMPAIGN OF THE PRELIMS! FIFTEEN ROUNDS! FIFTEEN PUNCHES! FIFTEEN KNOCK-OUTS!" Dani yelled. Wait, fifteen rounds? Wasn't I on round… not-15? Dear lord did I zone out for the entirety of the tournament? And I did just as well as when I was conscious? That's just… sad. Almost sad enough to make me feel bad for them. Well, kinda almost. Okay, not really. Fine, not at all. I just waved at the crowd which was full on booing me and throwing stuff at me. Damn I'm good though, I subconsciously make ponies hate me. I weaved my way through all the junk that was being thrown at me and made it to the tunnel. From there, I was led to the locker room or whatever it was called where Gecko was. I got a blink in greeting.

"Hey Gecko. Have I killed anypony in the last 24 hours?" I asked him. I didn't even get a response. "I… kind of… zoned out after round 8 or 9 I think."

He gave me a blink and a shake.

"Ah right, of course you'd notice. Well hey! At least I'm in the finals now apparently. I mean, if I can win the hardest part of the prelims, how hard could the finals be?" I asked. He gave me a few suggestive blinks. "No I did not just jinx myself. I'm not stupid. I would be jinxing myself if I said something like 'wow, things can't be much easier than this'. Nope, total difference. C'mon Gecko, let's just go back home and sleep till tomorrow where I'll kick ass because this tournament's weak… well you know what? Your face is a jinx!"

 **So… yeah… I kind of rage-quitted and decided to just time skip those rounds. But, there's some backstory on the mc so this chapter has a little random relevance thrown in. But next chapter will definitely see the end of this tournament and major plots will be happening. Anyways, I'm tired of this chapter. Solo, you close up shop this time, I'm going home early.**

 _ **Oh… ok, well I guess this was of some relevance. But next time we will put a lot more depth with characters and such. But this tournament is almost over… yay. SoloAcrobat6 out.**_


	7. Slow Descent

Slow Descent by Shlohmo

 **Alright, let's get this done!**

 _ **Meh**_

I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was standing in the arena again… when the fuck did I get back here? I swear I was just going to bed.

"And here we are folks!" I heard Rodrigo shout enthusiastically. "Here we are at the finals of the International Tournament! It's down to these last two!"

… What?

"Let's give a recap of the final rounds leading up to where we are now!" Dani chimed in. Wait, why were they still here? Why was I here? Who the fuck is that? "In the red corner! We have… the youngest participant to ever make it to the finals by a good number of years… ROUGH DIAAAAAAAMOOOOOOOOND!"

I saw the… the hell was a kid doing here? He waved to the crowd and was met with an absolute uproar from the crowd.

"Rough Diamond is a native here from Belgium, born in Charleroi. He made his way up to the professional boxing league out of nowhere and debuted at the age of 14 years old and 151 days", Rodrigo said.

"Let me tell you, there was chaos once it got out that there was a 14 year old that was professionally boxing. There was almost a protest in Brussels. And then… well, he started winning", Dani added.

"He's been boxing for a little over a year and he has an outstanding record of 24-2 at the professional level", Rodrigo said.

"By the way, those two he lost were only by TKO's."

"He's had an outstanding tournament run, absolutely dominating in the prelims and looked very solid in the final rounds as well."

"We had expected him to make it far into the tournament but certainly not being able to reach the finals."

"And of course, that brings us to his opponent for this round", Rodrigo said. Suddenly the attitude in the stadium -holy shit this stadium is huge!- shifted dramatically. Boos and jeers practically cascaded down on me.

"The absolute dark horse of this tournament, coming out of nowhere and decimating all of his opponents… CHARMING CHAAARRRRRMMMEEER!" The boos actually intensified.

"He surprised us in the first round, knocking his opponent out in one hit. Then the next. Then the next. We assumed it was just blind luck at first. And now, he's on his way to knocking out _every_ single one of his opponents out in just one hit."

"The closest thing we got to a fight was in the last round where he was forced on the defensive by Nasty Scoundrel-" Wasn't that a local assassin? "But he turned it around in the blink of an eye with a devastating counter."

"Let me tell you, this has been a tournament where records are being destroyed. We have the youngest finalist in history and if he wins, he'll be the youngest winner by a little over ten years. Not only that, but taking in both their ages, this is the youngest finalists we've ever had sitting at 19 years old between the two. We've also had records for the fastest knockouts and the most one-hit knockouts as well. That's primarily records that these two have broken alone!"

"Alright, I think it's about time to get this fight underway. ARE! YOU! READY?!"

The stadium reached a new level of volume as I felt my own bones vibrating. I saw a referee jump onto the stage but it wasn't the same one from before. I'll miss those scathing looks he'd send me…

"I'd first like to congratulate you both on reaching this stage in the tournament. It's been a good run and I'd like a clean fight to give these folks something to remember", he sent me a look when he said that, but it just wasn't the same as before. "So, the fight will start on my mark. The fight will only end under three circumstances. The first, is if one of the contenders loses conscious. The second is by ring-out, where if one of the contenders touches the ground outside of the perimeter. The third is if the fight reaches a total length of 15 minutes, the fight will stop and the winner will be selected by our panel of judges. In the event of a double knock-out or a double ring-out, the winner will also be selected by our panel of judges. Do both of the participants understand the rules?"

I nodded in affirmation and saw my opponent do the same. A small part of me almost felt bad about having to fight a kid, but then the greed in me took that small part into a back alley and beat it to death with a garbage can lid. Then chopped up the body and used his meat to make some good meals. Then anonymously donated those meals to any of his remaining family. Then visited each family to describe with great detail what he had done. Then moved to Equestria because that's where they'd least expect him to go.

"-START!" The referee yelled, pulling me out of my thoughts. What was happening? I saw the kid walking towards me with no real hustle. He lightly bounced on his hooves time to time. Oh right, tournament fight. I began walking towards him, but he showed no change in demeanor. Brave kid. I launched myself forward to catch him off guard and threw a straight, intending to sweep through this tournament with nothing but one-hit K.O.'s. I was surprised though when my hoof sailed through empty air. I had missed? No… the kid actually dodged my punch. I saw his fist flying at me and was surprised at how fast he was moving. I leaned back to escape his range but then he followed up with his other hoof. I ducked under it and came up with an uppercut but he had already fallen back out of my range. I frowned, this kid had a lot of experience in fighting.

I didn't have long to think as he was back to assaulting me with blows. I dodged and parried most of them but he left no room to counter. I remember one of the announcers saying he was a boxer, but this wasn't boxing. The way he was rolling and shifting his weight to keep this onslaught going was different from that of a boxer. It wasn't even a martial art that I knew… it was like an advanced form of street fighting. But he mixed technique and power very well. I was actually almost impressed. But by this point I knew what to do. So instead of dodging or parrying his strike, I caught it with my left hoof. He quickly tried to throw another blow with his free forehoof but I twisted his hoof and threw off his balance, sending his punch wide. Then I introduced him to my right hook. He flew back, tumbling along the ground. I turned around and raised my right foreleg as the crowd began booing.

"Whelp that was fu-" I was saying before something changed. Something in the air changed. I frowned, this felt very familiar… what was it? Oh, it was bloodlust. Pure and unfiltered bloodlust. I turned around and was surprised to see the kid struggling back to his feet. Then I saw his eyes and felt a shiver travel down my spine and a grin grow on my face. I vaguely picked up Rodrigo and Dani shouting something but I was too focused on this kid who looked like he wanted to absolutely murder me. He suddenly sprang forward with a new speed and ferocity that surprised me. I blocked his first punch, his power still didn't change much, and went to block his second but I didn't see his other foreleg. My confusion didn't last long as I felt something connect with my chin and my head snapped back from the blow. Using the momentum, I jumped backwards to gain some distance as I rubbed my chin.

"That actually kind of hurt", I said as noted some discomfort while talking. Then, just as fast as it appeared, the bloodlust in the air vanished. I looked at the kid who was shaking his head and when he stopped and opened his eyes, every trace of murderous intent was gone. Well that was a bummer, things were just starting to get fun.

"What a turn of events we've had here in the final! Just like that, Charming Charmer's streak of one-hit K.O.'s comes to an end", I heard Dani say, which cause me to freeze. My streak… the one thing I was aiming for this tournament. Taken from my by that kid. That kid…

I focused on him with new determination and he flinched when he met my eyes. He knew he was going down now. I sprinted at him and he nervously held his ground. I threw a punch and he raised his hooves to block, but I wasn't holding back anymore. My punch broke through his block and connected with his face, sending him flying. Actually flying. He didn't stop until he flew off the stadium and crashed into the dirt, skidding to a stop. He didn't get back up this time.

I noticed that the stadium had gone silent. I looked at the referee who nodded.

"The winner of the National Honorable Combat Tournament is Charming Charmer!" He said into the mic. With that, I left the stadium.

 **(Several hours later)**

I sighed contentedly as I reached my motel room, my cloak now 1.6 million bits heavier. I grabbed Gecko from his pocket and set him on my nightstand.

"Well that was fun", I told him, to which he blinked in reply. "No, not really. It was boring as fuck and I barely even got to warm-up for most fights. Though the last fight was pretty interesting. Of course, now there's something I have to ask… why were we here again?"

Gecko blinked several times at me.

"Oh shit… that's right, finding Royal's guild. Do we have any leads?" I asked and Gecko shook his head. "Whelp, then I guess we go to random countries and hopefully find something."

I set my cloak down on the ground and began climbing into bed. I was about half way up when suddenly pain. Pain. That's all my brain could register. I was in pain. I crumpled to the floor as my vision grew fuzzy from the pain. I quickly located its source and knew immediately how screwed I was. I looked at Gecko, my eyes beginning to water, who was looking at me with as confused as a face he could make. In a voice that reflected the dread of the situation, I explained to him what happened.

"I just pulled a muscle in my leg", I told him gravely. There was a brief moment of silence before he started laughing. "Hey! Don't laugh at my pain you little shit!"

I tried to stand to grab him but then pain reminded me why that was a bad idea. I glared daggers at him as he continued to laugh.

"You're dead when this is over", I told him venomously… then I waited for the pain to subside.

 **(The next day)**

"So where do we go now?" I asked Gecko, who was now sporting a black eye **(don't abuse animals kids!)** while he rode on my snout. He turned to give some blinks. "Back into Germaney and then make our way towards Italy? Sounds like a plan."

We were on the road leading out of Brussels, probably heading east… hopefully. That is, until I saw a figure in our way. It took me several moments to realize who it was. After seeing me, he readjusted the bags on his back and galloped up to me. He skid to a stop and looked at me with deadly serious eyes.

" _I want to be your apprentice_ ", he said in German. I stared back at the kid who I had fought in the final. We stared at each other for a brief moment before I burst out laughing. Apprentice! I kept laughing until I saw that he was still serious, and then I stopped.

" _Oh… you're being serious_ ", I said, to which he nodded in reply. "I see. No."

" _But I want to get stronger! And I can't do that here. Please, take me with you_ ", the colt begged.

" _Look, I'm not taking apprentices or anything right now… or at all_ ", I told him.

" _Don't worry about me, I can handle any kind of trying no matter what! I won't give up at all_!" He replied excitedly.

" _I didn't say… look, this story's already bs enough, we don't need a new character_ ", I said.

" _Then we'll just pretend to be old friends! We can even give each other nicknames_!" He said. I stared at him and he stared back.

" _I don't understand you_ ", I told him before walking around him. I walked a good ten hooves before turning around and seeing that he was following me. " _Seriously, stop. You don't even know what I do_."

" _Aren't you an assassin_?" He asked. I paled.

" _Wh-What? No, no I'm not_ ", I said before laughing nervously. " _I don't' know what you're talking about_."

" _Look, I'll do anything! Really_!" He said. I sighed, done dealing with his shit.

" _Fine, I'll take you in but only on one condition_ ", I said, fully facing him now.

" _What_?!" He asked excitedly.

" _Find me a fork that shoots fireballs_ ", I said, turning around to leave.

" _Oh, got one_ ", he said, causing me to freeze mid-step. I turned around to see him holding a fork.

 _"... What_?" I asked. He then pointed the fork skyward and… what the fuck. What the actual fuck. In the name of a higher power, how the fuck did he find a fork that shoots fireballs! I quickly rushed over and grabbed it to test it out myself. This was an actual enchanted fork that shot fireballs. WHY?!

" _Where did you find this_?" I asked him. He pointed over to a nearby cafe.

" _Grabbed it from there_ ", he said like it was nothing.

" _I… I…_ " I was genuinely at a loss for words. _"... Fine… you can be my apprentice_."

He then began vigorously fist-pumping, which made me smirk.

" _But… if you want to continue being my apprentice, you'll need to do whatever I say no matter what. Got that_?" I asked him.

" _Of course, Master_ ", he replied. I was so going to call him out on this bullshit. He wouldn't last a day.

 **Well, that was a thing. So, to anyone reading, you can take satisfaction that we are never f***ing doing something like this again. It sounded really good in our heads and then when it went on paper, it sucked.**

 _ **We regret everything! But hay, WE GOT STORY! That is just great… just great. I will be over in the corner crying with joy. Don't bother me.**_

 **So, stay tuned for next chapter as we learn more about this young apprentice!**

 **ARC END: The Tournament**

 **NEXT ARC: Search for the New Guild!**


	8. Today

Today by Smashing Pumpkins

 **So here we are… um, not much to say I guess. Though we have a new character who's going to be Charming's apprentice. For now at least. Who knows what's going on in his head? Oh, also, POV shift :P**

 _ **Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**_

Charming Charmer walked along the dirt path at a moderate pace. He was on his way to Italy for… something. He was trying to find something. Everything was going okay… except for one thing. He glanced to his side to see the colt that was walking next to him. Though, colt wasn't the most accurate word considering he was probably going to be a teen soon. When did a colt become a stallion? Probably wh-

 _CRUNCH_

Charming's thoughts screeched to a halt as he watched the colt munch on the carrot he grabbed from somewhere. That was one of the many questionable things Charming noticed about… the Apprentice. What was his na-

 _CRUNCH_

Charming's eye twitched.

"Hey Apprentice," he asked the colt in Equestrian. They had come to an agreement to speak to each other in Equestrian because they were both fluent in it. The colt quickly finished what was in his mouth before replying.

"Yes Master?" He asked, causing Charming to gag a little on the inside. He hated being called that. He also realized that if he was to keep the colt from eating that carrot, he'd need to have… a conversation.

"... How many ponies have you killed?" He asked. The Apprentice turned to him surprise on his face.

"... None," he answered, but Charming could tell that he was lying. Though it was almost believable and had he not felt the bloodlust he had radiated during the tournament, he probably would have fallen for the lie. Oh, there was also the 'being an assassin' thing that probably also helped him detect lies.

"Well… you do know that if you're going to be my apprentice, then you're going to be an assassin right? You know… killing ponies and all that for some money?" He asked the Apprentice. He nodded his head.

"Yes, I understand that completely," he said. Charming nodded as well. At least he understoo- "But it's fine since we're killing bad stallions."

Charming stopped in his tracks, causing the Apprentice to stop as well.

"I'm sorry, but what?" He asked.

"... What?" The Apprentice asked in reply.

"'Killing bad stallions'? Is that what you think I do?" He clarified.

"Well yeah, since you're so strong, that means you're a good stallion. Right?" The Apprentice asked. Charming began laughing at that.

"So, just assuming that there is such things as 'bad and good stallions', you think that the righteous and noble stallions hire other righteous and noble stallions to kill the evil and vile ones?" He asked him. The Apprentice hesitated, which allowed Charming to continue.

"So what's wrong with that view of me is that you assume that there are such things as inherently good and inherently bad stallions. There's no such thing as the whole good versus evil motif. There are certainly better and worse ponies, but no good and evil. I'm not good, nor am I evil. I mean, I kill ponies for money so most would assume that I'm evil just from that. But I kill whoever I'm told to. At least, most of the ponies I kill are because I was told to… accidents happen. Anyway, sometimes I kill 'good ponies' and sometimes I kill 'bad ponies'. Sometimes I'm asked by 'bad ponies' to kill worse ponies. That's how my business works," Charming explained. He glanced to see the Apprentice staring at him. "... What?"

"That was inspirational…" He said breathily.

"... I have a new order," Charming said, the Apprentice snapping back to attention.

"What is it master?" He asked. Charming looked around at the path they were on.

"Go find me a rock that…" He noticed a leaf falling to the ground in his peripherals, "distorts gravity. Yep, a rock that distorts gravity."

This was something that actually piqued Charming's interest about his apprentice. He seemed to have an odd knack for finding, so far, literally anything. From a fork that shoots fireballs to a stick that under all tests had proved unbreakable. Which of course, tempted him to ask for a bladed object that could cut anything and see what would happened if he used it on the stick. He withheld that request though as he was sure that would break the fabric of the universe or something… which would prevent him from getting his money. So maybe later. Or he'd have to put more effort into breaking the stick himself, but he-

"Oh, I think I have one of those," the Apprentice muttered as he pulled out a book from his bag. After going through the Apprentice's stuff while he was asleep, Charming found that book. But it had been completely blank when he opened it. Just 252 blank pages. The Apprentice opened the book and used his magic to flip through the pages. Charming noticed two things. One, that the pages were absolutely filled with text that he couldn't quite read. Two, the Apprentice was now on the 1,78-er, 1,79… he was way past page 252.

"Ah, raabs," the Apprentice said randomly as he continued flipping through the book. "Doo, doo, doo… Here we are, rocks. Rocks… rocks… Rock that cools anything above 30° Celsius to 20° Celsius…"

"That's stupidly specific," Charming interjected.

"Rock that… no. No. No," The Apprentice said, going one page at a time as he read before jumping ahead. "Rock that grants immortality? Whoops, went too far."

"Wait, what?" Charming asked as he tried process what he was hearing and seeing.

"Ah-ha! Rock that distorts time!" The Apprentice cheered.

"Gravity," Charming blankly reminded. The Apprentice blinked.

"Oh, right," he said, flipping a page backwards. "There it is. Knew I had one."

He then reached _into_ the book, his foreleg disappearing into the page. He stuck his tongue out as he seemed to dig around for a bit. He then pulled his hoof out, revealing a… well, rock. He closed the book and put it back into his bag.

"Here you are master, one rock that distorts gravity," the Apprentice said, presenting it to Charming. Charming then took it into his own hoof and waited. He glanced from the rock to the Apprentice and then back to the rock.

"I think this is just a regular rock," Charming said out loud.

"Hm… should distort gravity…" The Apprentice said.

"How?" Charming asked.

"I dunno," the Apprentice answered, causing Charming to look at him.

"So… you say this rock can distort gravity, but you don't know how?" He asked.

"Yep," the Apprentice said. Charming sighed then dropped the rock in resignation and was then mildly surprised as his body became several hundred pounds heavier. The Apprentice let out a surprised 'hrrk' and collapsed to the ground.

"Oh so that's how I guess," Charming muttered before picking up the rock, the effects of gravity disappearing. He held it in his hoof before dropping it back on the ground, causing the Apprentice (who had been getting back up) to collapse back down on the ground. He picked the rock back up, noting how the gravity returned to normal once again. "Interesting."

"Do I pass?" The Apprentice asked, getting back up. Charming sighed.

"Yeah, I guess," he answered, tossing the rock to the Apprentice who caught in with his telekinesis. He took his book back out and flipped it open and dropped the rock into a random page. Charming raised his brow as he watched. "What is that book?"

"Hm?" The Apprentice asked, in the middle of putting it away. He looked down at his book. "Oh! It's an enchanted book."

"Yeah, I got that," Charming replied with a roll of his eyes. "But like what does it do? Because when I opened it-"

"Wait, when did you open it?"

"- was blank."

"... Well, you see, this book acts a fourth dimensional storage. It allows me store an object of any size or quantity in it. All of the objects being enchanted or magical. And the reason it was blank, was because it only reveals its text to those who are looking for something," the Apprentice explained, putting the book away.

"Wait, you just need to be looking for something?" Charming asked. The Apprentice nodded. "Huh, I was expecting it to be that only you could use it for some reason."

"That would be a stupid condition. Especially considering that I'm not the one who enchanted the book," the Apprentice countered. Actually made sense.

"Well how'd you get the book?" Charming asked.

"Stole it," the Apprentice said, surprising Charming.

"Oh… hey look, a sign," Charming said, gesturing to a sign that was on the side of the road. "What's it say?"

"It says that we're about a mile out from Stables… wait," the Apprentice read.

"Oh Stables? Never been there before, we should check it out," Charming suggested.

"Wait, though. How are we by Stables? Stables is basically in southern Italy! How did we get here without seeing any other cities or towns?" The Apprentice asked. Charming shrugged his shoulders. "And didn't we only leave Belgium like yesterday?"

"What? We've been traveling for over a week," Charming corrected. He put a hoof to his chin. "At least I think we have. Hey Gecko?"

Gecko popped his head out of the pocket he had been staying in.

"How long ha-"

"WHAT IS THAT?!" The Apprentice interrupted. Charming looked up to see that he was pointing to Gecko.

"Uh… this is Gecko," Charming stated, like it was obvious.

"I can see that it's a gecko! But why is it in your pocket?" The Apprentice asked.

"Because he lives there," Charming answered, stating the obvious.

"What? How long has it been in there?"

"Why are you acting like this is your first time seeing him?"

"Because it is!"

"What do you mean? He was like… on my face when you asked to become my apprentice."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure… then again, it has been awhile since the last chapter."

"What?"

"Oh! I get why you're so confused!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's your first time skip so your clocks all effed up. Don't worry, you get used to it."

"Time skip?"

"Hey look, a city," Charming said, ignoring the Apprentice's question and pointing towards the city that they were approaching.

They entered the city of Stables and immediately noticed that the atmosphere on the streets was rather… tense. Ponies were going about on the daily grind, but they all seemed to be constantly looking over their shoulders or avoiding others as much as possible.

"Hm… let's go to a cafe," Charming said. They blended into the crowd, joining into the beat easily and navigated their way until they randomly came across a Caffé Gambrinus. It was fairly crowded due to the time of day… "Wait, what time is it?"

"I'd say about 11," the Apprentice answered, glancing outside.

"Oh okay so this does make sense," Charming said. Eventually, it was their turn to order.

"Ah, i turisti. Quello che porta alla nostra bella struttura?" The barista, a stallion, asked. Charming stared at him a bit before turning to the Apprentice.

"Do you speak Italian?" He asked. The Apprentice nodded. "Great, don't need to get gecko out here and translate. So what'd he say?"

"He asked what brought us here. He knows we're tourists," the Apprentice answered. Charming nodded. The Apprentice's convenient fluency of the language could actually prove to be useful. How many languages could the Apprentice speak fluently and why wasn't one of them Spanish?

"Tell him we're here on business," Charming said, surprising the Apprentice.

"We are? I thought we came here rando-" He saw the glare Charming shot him. "Siamo entrambi qui per affari."

"Oh veramente? Che tipo di affari?" The stallion asked. Charming could tell from his tone and the questioning gleam in his eyes.

"He asked what kind of business," the Apprentice translated. Charming pondered for a bit. He might as well try to use this.

"Tell him we're looking for something," he said.

"Stiamo cercando qualcosa," the Apprentice said. The barista laughed before speaking again.

"Sembra che tutti vengono qui in cerca di un po 'di qualcosa," he said. Wasn't he supposed to be taking our drinks down? There was a bit of line and this seemed fairly unprofessional.

"He says that everypony seems to looking for something when they come here," the Apprentice said. Charming grinned.

"Well tell him that we're looking for ponies who operate in the shadows," he told the Apprentice, who gave him a confused look before turning to the barista.

"Siamo alla ricerca di persone che operano nell'ombra," the Apprentice said. Immediately, Charming noticed a shift in the stallion's demeanor.

"L-Le ombre?" He asked.

"Sì," the Apprentice said, seeming to note the change as well.

"Ordinare le vostre bevande ora ... ne parleremo ancora una volta le mie estremità turno," the barista said, now speaking in a quieter voice.

"He says to order our drinks now and that he'll talk more once his shift is over," the Apprentice said.

"Hm…" Charming mused. The actual odds of finding what he was looking for in this city was exceptionally slim. He could practically tell if a city or town has been under Royal's influence. But this seemed like it could be fun. "Order our drinks, I'll go find us a table."

Charming turned around and began walking to find an open table, but paused and turned back.

"Oh, and Apprentice," he called, distracting the Apprentice as he looked over the menu. "Get me something I don't like and you won't be my apprentice anymore."

He then left to find a table. The added pressure would distress the Apprentice. And the kicker? He didn't really even like coffee. He found an open table for two, but then remembered that he needed another for the barista. He eventually found an open table and set his saddlebags on the seat before sitting down himself. He noticed that while the cafe was certainly lighter than the streets, everypony still seemed more on edge than usual and spoke in hushed tones.

The Apprentice eventually came over, carrying two steaming cups of coffee. He looked… completely normal and fine. He set the cups down, set his bags on the chair and sat down himself. Charming inspected his drink. From the fragrance alone, he could tell that it was an espresso. It was topped with whip cream, he think he spotted some foam beneath that, a brown powder which was too dark to be cinnamon or nutmeg which meant it was probably cacao powder sprinkled on top with actual chocolate. It seemed… over the top. He glanced at the Apprentice and was surprised to see him casually drinking his coffee and reading a newspaper. He actually forgot he was a Europonean at the core.

"So… what is this?" Charming asked the Apprentice. The Apprentice looked at him before setting the newspaper down.

"It's the cafe's special," he answered simply. "The barista recommended it to me."

"Oh… and what'd you get?" Charming asked, noticing that his drink looked much simpler.

"A macchiato," the Apprentice said, taking another sip from it.

"Huh," was all Charming said before bringing the drink to his lips. He waited several moments, getting a taste of the drink. It… wasn't actually bad. While he wouldn't say it was one of his favorite drinks ever, it wasn't actually bad.

"So the guy said that he'll be off within the hour," the Apprentice said, picking the newspaper back up with his telekinesis. Charming narrowed his eyes at the Apprentice.

"So, what'cha readin' there?" He asked.

"Oh, well I'm trying to see if there's anything in here that might tell us what's got everypony on edge," the Apprentice answered. Ugh, where had this sudden seriousness come from? What happened to the Apprentice that was an idiot?

"It's probably just the local government or something that's screwing over ponies," Charming guessed.

"That's what I was thinking," the Apprentice said, causing Charming to visibly shudder. Him and the Apprentice having similar thoughts? He needed to go kill things. Then the world would start making sense again. "But this newspaper seems to debunk that thought."

That surprised Charming.

"How so?"

"Well, the majority of the articles in this is just saying how wrong the political system is. Mostly local, some national," the Apprentice explained. Charming frowned.

"Well maybe it's trying to stand up to the government," he suggested. The Apprentice shook his head.

"Not with their headquarters being across the street," he said. Charming blinked and turned. Across the street was a rather normal looking building. It looked… like a building.

"Really?" He asked the Apprentice.

"Yeah, can't you- oh, right. Forgot you don't read Italian," the Apprentice said, bonking the side of his head. Ah. Guess Charming forgot to mention that he can't read… anything.

"Huh, but still, what makes you think that the government isn't corrupt?" Charming asked.

"Well, despite the majority of the articles being about how the government needs to change… I don't really see anything concrete that points to them being evil or bad," the Apprentice replied. Ugh, why couldn't they just have to topple a government? That was easy and simple.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well… the newspaper claims that the government is weak and there needs to be change. But… it doesn't list what it wants to change or actually goes into detail about what's wrong with the government," the Apprentice clarified. Charming mulled over this a bit in his head.

"Sounds like there's a third party involved then. Vying for control," he said after a pause. The Apprentice looked at him, causing him to raise his brow. "What?"

"That's brilliant! I can't believe I didn't even think of that!" He said, his eyes sparkling weirdly. Charming just assumed that it had a simple and logical conclusion. After all, this certainly wouldn't be the first time he had fought off a third power from taking control of the government by using the people's fear. Those were fun missions since he got to let loose a bit.

"Ah! Ci si due sono," a vaguely familiar voice said, distracting both of them. It was the barista, who was now minus a bowtie.

"Si prega, avere un posto a sedere," the Apprentice said, gesturing to the empty seat at the table. The barista bowed his head and sat down. He leaned in and spoke in a hushed voice like everypony else in the cafe.

"Io lo prendo avete notato lo stato della città è in?" The stallion asked. The Apprentice nodded. Charming frowned, now feeling left out. "La città ... è ... paura."

"Paura? Paura di cosa?" The Apprentice asked.

"Il Suonno," the barista seemed to answer. The Apprentice frowned. "Sono una banda locale che gestisce praticamente la città dal sottosuolo."

The Apprentice froze.

"What is it?" Charming asked.

"He's saying that the city is under the terror of a gang," he answered.

"A gang? In Italy?" Charming asked before his eyes lit up. "You mean like the mafia?!"

The Apprentice and the barista turned to look at him, but he had a distant look in his eyes.

"You know, I've always wanted to fight the mafia. I'm a huge fan of that Equestrian noir stuff," he explained, only to find that they had gone back to talking to each other. Though… something seemed… off about the Apprentice.

"-destra, poi a sinistra, poi andate verso il basso quel blocco, troverete un magazzino alla fine. Si trovano lì," the barista seemed to finish explaining. The Apprentice narrowed his eyes.

"Come fai a sapere così tanto su di loro?" He asked the barista, who shifted nervously in his seat.

"Il mio ... fratello era una parte di loro," the barista seemed to admit. "... L'accento è stato."

The Apprentice seemed to accept his answer and got up to leave, surprising Charming. He looked down at their drinks. How was he going to pay for this? He had no idea how expensive these drinks were. So he did the only logical thing and pulled out some gold. Considering that the current gold per ounce exchange rate in Italy was about €1,170 but considering what he'd seen of the city, he'd probably factor in a %1.051 coefficient rounding it out to €1,230. And the current euro per bit ratio was .8893% which meant about 1,095 bits. The average cup of coffee was something like 4-5 bits. He set down a piece of gold, noting how the barista's eyes turned into dinner plates.

"There. That should be enough to probably pay for everypony's drinks in here," Charming said, nodding his head before chasing after the Apprentice. He quickly caught up to him, but noticed that he seemed extremely focused. "So where are we going?"

"The gang's base of operation," the Apprentice answered.

"Oh cool! I finally get to kill some mafia! And you'll finally get to see me in some real action," Charming said. The Apprentice didn't say anything, causing Charming to frown. Something was definitely off. He followed him until eventually the came to a warehouse and stopped in front of it. "Wait a warehouse?"

"Yes," the Apprentice said before entering it.

"But I wanted to duke it out in a smoke lounge or something..." Charming complained before following inside. They were in an empty lobby with nothing but a very conspicuous door. "Alright, so we should probably do a bit of recon arou- and you're gone."

The Apprentice disappeared behind the door and Charming sighed. Was it going to be like this ALL the time? Had he been this annoying when he had been an apprentice? He followed the Apprentice behind the door where they navigated a small hallway that split off in two different directions. They peeked around a corner, spying an enemy several paces down the hallway who had his back to them.

"Alright time to show you a deftly executed stealth ki- where'd you go?" He asked, noting the distinct lack of an Apprentice around him. He looked back around the corner to see the Apprentice rushing the guard. "Oh, there you are. How'd he get over there?"

He watched the Apprentice close in on the guard and threw something at the back of his head… was that a sugar packet?! Had he been carrying one since they left the cafe? He watched the guard turn around, just to get a knee driven into his chin. The Apprentice then put him into a very good guillotine chokehold.

"Wow, well done. Not exactly what I'd do but knocking him out is-" _Snap_ "And you just killed him…"

Charming watched the Apprentice set the guard down and searched his body before pilfering a knife.

"Hey cosa-" Charming heard behind him but before he could turn around, he quickly recognized that he needed to move his head. He threw his body to the side as he watched the knife sail past him and imbed itself hilt-deep into a second guard's head. Charming blinked as he watched the guard drop down to the ground, most definitely dead.

"Holy… kid you should probably-" He turned and saw that there was the distinct lack of another living pony in the hall with him. "Son… of… a bitch."

Suddenly, he realized what had been off about the Apprentice. The Apprentice had been leaking bloodlust ever since they left the cafe. Wait a second… cafe. Charming checked his sides and noted the distinct lack of his saddlebags.

"Fuckin' fuck!" Charming shouted. The fuck was going on today? He glanced at the two dead bodies. "You know what, he'll be fine. And if he's not, then he'll be dead and out of my mane. Then I'll get to fight the mafia."

With that happy thought, Charming made the trek all the way back to the cafe. He breathed a sigh of relief at finding their bags still in the same spots. He slung them both onto his back and headed back towards the warehouse. He made his way back in and then tried to navigate his way through the warehouse and eventually came across the main storage area and was… rather surprised by what he saw.

Dead bodies littered the ground, having been killed from what looked like either stab wounds or cuts. Maybe both. Probably both. He checked the nearest body. Definitely both. Most were killed brutally, leaving blood everywhere in the warehouse. The more he walked, the more bodies he found. He stopped as a drop of blood fell in front of him. He looked up and his jaw hung open a bit as he saw a stallion hanging from the ceiling, by his neck, from a chain. Wounds littered his body, causing him to bleed out.

Charming had to admit… he'd give his apprentice a solid B on raw murderous destruction. Cleanliness though… they'd need to work on that. But where was the Apprentice? The sound of glass breaking sounded above him, causing him to look up. He took a step back as a body crashed onto the floor with a bloody splat, splashing blood onto Charming's legs. He looked up to see the Apprentice's head sticking out of a second story window.

"Oh, hey master!" He said, before disappearing back into the room. At least he sounded normal…

He watched as the Apprentice appeared on an elevated pathway that lead to some stairs on the side of the storage area. He met the Apprentice halfway and floated his bags off of his back. The Apprentice grinned.

"Thanks! I realized that I had totally forgotten it when I tried grabbing my book," he said, slinging it over his back. Charming looked around.

"So… take care of everything?" He asked. The Apprentice nodded.

"Oh yeah, they won't be bothering anypony anytime soon," he affirmed. Charming raised a brow at that.

"You actually left some alive?"

"Yeah… emphasis on _some_ though," the Apprentice answered.

"Huh… So…" Charming trailed, causing the Apprentice to raise a brow this time.

"What?" He asked. A big grin formed on Charming's face and his eyes had a gleam in them that unnerved the Apprentice.

"Never killed anypony before, eh?"

 **Done! This was a fun little chapter in Italy. Italian provided by Google Translate. And we got to see the murderous rage of the Apprentice! And yes, get used to seeing that as his name. It probably won't change. Ever.**

 _ **This was fun, got to see some coffee and walls breaking. Those are always good. Now next on the list… more typing for my buddy who is falling into a pit of stories that he can't get out of. SoloAcrobat6 out.**_

 **Hahahahahahaha… yeah. Anyway, favorite/follow and all that jazz. Leave a review please! I think I'm at the point where I'd literally murder for one! See y'all next time!**

 **~Djsoresupon3**


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